It is to Hot for Hepatitis
By Royal Hopper

Something happens it gets really hot in the desert. Plants turn brown, the plastic novelty cups shaped like guitars, polar bears and volcanoes melt on the sidewalks where they are left and people suddenly get very angry or very laid back.

A part of the neon jungle dedicated to the Irish in all of us – Photo by Royal Hopper

Some people just sprout horns and want to fight at the drop of a hat and others go the other way and develop the attitude that 115 is just to damn hot to risks bruises or blood borne pathogens for some unnecessary disagreement..

Stand up sun bathing with a view in the City of Sin – Photo by Royal Hopper

“It is to hot for Hepatitis,” replied one guardian of order at a local establishment when confronted by a residentially challenged man he discovered sleeping under truck in the hotel parking lot suddenly jumped up apparently driven by the heat to duke it out with random strangers who stopped by to see if he was still alive.

It was just to hot, this guardian of order decided, the wrestle with a man who may or may not have a random ailment that was contagious and certainly did smell like a collection of gym socks and dirty underwear fermenting in a barrel for several hot summer days.

Just down the road later in the day a man worn out by the days travels to and from 2 for 1 well drink specials a man sits down on a sidewalk near a bedraggled homeless man sleeping nearly unconscious on a “cool spot” of the miles of Sin City sidewalks. He drains his iced drink dry and pours the last few ice cubes into his hand and starts crunching them in his teeth. The homeless man shakes himself out of his stupor aided by who knows what and looks at the source of the noise disturbing his troubled sleep.

The man looks at the unfortunate fellow shrugs his shoulder and hands the man the last of his ice cubes. The sleeping man sleepily puts the cubes in his mouth, lays back down and pushes the remains of his beverage in a clear bottle toward the other man. He stares at the bottle for several seconds then shrugs his shoulders and drains the remainder of the bottle and struggles to his feet to continue his journey to the discounted bars and sidewalks of the City of Sin.

Doo Wop

He walks past a double decker bus of tourists snapping cheese cake photos of cartoon characters holding Ipod and making passes at the underage ingénues clad in bikinis, large broad brimmed straw hats and pink sunglasses and an older lady cradling a pet poodle in a baby back pack while she sips on a strawberry soda.

Summer is here in the City of Sin
Take Care Sinners

Rock on

Don’t Pee on Another Man’s Shrubbery
by Royal Hopper

What does it mean exactly when someone says you don’t pee on another man’s shrubbery ?
Well for the man who is convinced someone followed him from a bar into his hotel room and took his wallet, his cash and ..wait for it …his virtue while he slept and believed it enough to tell the tale to police with a straight face it probably means a lot.

This phrase is one I heard while walking my dog in a Sin City suburb has apparently been echoing around the City of Sin like a Renegade Time share salesman. It is the central question of this weeks missive and a phrase with double meanings on many levels.

Yes it is real _ photo by Royal

What does it mean when you say don’t piss on another man’s shrubbery???
Of course I also heard some anonymous tourists from anonymous Nebraska tell his eager “wingman” about the dangers of pissing on another man’s shrubbery. Wingman as we all know is the nerdier of a pair of guys looking for love, the one who is dedicated to getting his friend some female company for the evening.
This drunken wingman, perhaps acting as the wingman because he was not the brightest bulb in the box seemed to take his friends advice when he stopped in front of a patch of artificial greenery and began to unzip his pants but thought better of it.
It could be he was taking his friends advice or it could be some coherent thought fought through the haze of free beer and two for one shots of Canadian Mist and made him realize he wasn’t in Nebraska in the middle of the night_ he was surrounded by kids and was in a major city and it was the middle of the afternoon. It also could be that the cop peddling by on his bicycle would have arrested his drunken Goober, tractor logo wearing country ass _ but hey what do I know..
Don’t pee on another mans shrubbery could be a warning against peeing on another person’s decorative plants. It could..

Apparently this is an old heartland manly truism that has taken hold in the city of sin and soon there will be T-shirts all over Las Vegas Boulevard proudly proclaiming that bit of sage advice..

It advice that one aspiring ladies man could have taken to heart when approaching a two women holding hands in the City of Sin a few weeks ago. The player said something to one of the two women he spotted and the other promptly smacked him across the face like he was a tantrum throwing two year old and she was his angry abusive mother. The slapper grabbed her girlfriend by the arm and strolled off down the Sin City byway..

That life in the City of Sin
Rock On
Ad Sinners

“Don’t pee on another man’s or woman’s shrubbery,”

Fair is Fair by Royal Hopper

Rock on Sin City
The More things change the more they stay the same

By Royal Hopper

I got my lunch box and Im all real well..photo by Royal Hopper

The City of Sin has changed a lot since the days the greatest generation visited Sin City. Just ask Sin Coty patron John Cary or the woman walking down the Boulevard with a blow up doll under her arm Sunday or the five foot tall Vader flirting with female and male tourists alike on a Vegas street corner.

A few days before July 4th before the blow up doll or the mini Darth took advantage of a rare cloudy day in the city I met a man who said his name was John Cary.
(He didn’t spell it for me and I didn’t ask) Cary was a teen in the age of the big band when world caught fire. At an age when most people are struggling to find their first real job, the 89-year-old John Cary said he was fighting his way across Okinawa with his Marine buddies. As he stood in the Sin City Casino he was visiting for his vacation late last week he proudly showed off a photo he had taken in his Marine Dress Blues with other John Kerry the famous one.

This member of the greatest generation talked about a lot of things His voice faltered as he leaned on a nearby counter for support and 70-year-old memories flowed from his memories to his voice.

Zero Credit by Royal Hopper

He said remembers a plane trying to strafe his fellow Marines that he and his fellow Leathernecks shot down. He smiled when he remembered meeting his brother in Korea and frowned when couldn’t remember which had come first.
What really gets John Cary down right angry is how tight the slot machines are in the City of Sin these days. They just don’t pay out like they used to said Cary a scared veteran of the City of Sin.
“Las Vegas,” he said, just isn’t what it used to be said the 89-year-old. It is harder to get money he said complaining he could only get $250 a day to gamble with. “Some kind of daily limit,” he groused.

“And the food is so much more expensive,”

In April of 1945 Carey and his fellow jarheads were part of a 183,000 man force of Marines and GI ‘s who took the Island of Okinawa from the Japanese defenders. In early July of this year he was bragging about the fine figure he cut in his uniform back in the day and wondering why he could not get the cocktail waitress to listen to his practiced pitch and shaking his head at the head full of dyed purple hair he saw bouncing across the casino floor.

That same week I talked to two young Brits lets call them Patty and Ian. They remarked with amazement that 16-year-olds can drive in the City of Sin but they can’t drink or even sit in the bar while their 22-year-old boyfriends guzzle $1 beer.

I have no idea what it means except I guess Vegas is Vegas.

That’s life in the City of Sin

Rock On Sinners

Imagine you standing on a Las Vegas street corner smoothing your well worn skirt with both your manicured hands combing your thick black beard and stomping your boot clad feet. Imagine your standing in a parking lot singing your heart out in the middle of the afternoon under the glare of the desert sun..

What does that mean ?????

Interview with the sinners
By Royal Hopper

The following is a collective imaginary interview with three Sin City Character archetypes a Bum, street musician and a tourist and an casino exec. Based on real things people say and do and a lifetime of talking to strangers and giving them directions to the bathroom.

Question: What is the most important part of the Las Vegas experience????

Street Musician: That’s an old Robert Johnson tune right something like this..proceeds to play.How about something for the effort

Casino Exec: I am glad you asked. It’s going to be a 5,000 room resort you cant afford to stay in with a live Volcano, live 24 hour burlesque, zombies and five, Five Star Steakhouses named after French things and three over the hill has been superstars we have blackmailed with pictures of their last orgy to snort cocaine and badly mangle top 40 hits from 40 years ago..Thank You and have a great day .

Tourist: Wow, oooooooooohhhhh, wow, oooooooooooohhhhhhh. Where is the bathroom????

Bum: Can you spare a $5 buddy

Question:

How much is to much ???

Street Musician: “I know that one,” “starts singing” How much is to much on three one two three .(start playing)

Casino exec.No such thing.wait ..what was the question ?????

Tourist .. “Eighty-five”

Bum.Hey .“ Buddy can you spare a five.

It’s just another day in the City of Sin..

Questions
How many tourists does it take to screw a light bulb ????

Street Musician>>. “Hey I know that one too.all right boys blues beat on two,”

Casino executive. “Just call housekeeping and they will do it for you..”

Bum..hey Boddy can you spare a five

What does it mean when people dress weirdly and sign their hearts out in the glaring desert sun.

Who knows why people do the things they do??? They need to be heard.they need to be helped .they enjoy the attention or they really never got over the demise of disco and bell bottoms and 2 for 1 drink specials ..