Month: January 2014

by

This aint Iceland Dude watch your stuff

Chillin’ under the neon _ Photo by Royal

An old cowboy talks on his cell phone while waiting for a Sin City bus _ Photo Royal

                           

This aint Iceland Dude watch your stuff

By Royal Hopper

The phone rings in the chill dark desert night. The man on the phone seems desperate and insists the innocent Icelandic tourists tender their credit card number to him to correct the results of a computer crash. The tourists two young women from a far less cynical, more honorable part of the world give the credit card numbers to the stranger on the phone.

In another part of town a man tosses a small toy on the ground and asks a woman if the toy is hers. Seconds later he snags her pay ticket from the machine, cashes it out and is gone before anyone can see him leave. The toy is worth a few pennies the ticket much more.
Las Vegas is a place built on the myths…The distract team is a Vegas myth very much based on reality.
In the old days it was buckets of coins these teams or couples of thieves  stole. While a partner threw a handful of coins on the ground another would politely ask the slot player are those your quarters. When the player bent down to pick up the quarters another distract team member would grab the bucket and be gone before anyone knew it was missing.
When I worked at casinos on the 90s it was a daily occurrence and people fell for it tiem and time again.
People in Iceland don’t call you in the middle of the night pretending to be with the hotel you are staying with and try to get your credit card numbers.
“Nobody does things like this in Iceland,”  said  the attractive young Icelandic woman who we will call Hellen in line with the what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas myth. (Myth making is a Vegas specialty and don’t you believe it. It is not true)

From the FBI Web Site
Tips for Avoiding Identity Theft:

* Never throw away ATM receipts, credit statements, credit cards, or bank statements in a usable form.
* Never give your credit card number over the telephone unless you make the call.
* Reconcile your bank account monthly, and notify your bank of discrepancies immediately.
* Keep a list of telephone numbers to call to report the loss or theft of your wallet, credit cards, etc.
* Report unauthorized financial transactions to your bank, credit card company, and the police as soon as you detect them.
* Review a copy of your credit report at least once each year. Notify the credit bureau in writing of any questionable entries and follow through until they are explained or removed.
* If your identity has been assumed, ask the credit bureau to print a statement to that effect in your credit report.
* If you know of anyone who receives mail from credit card companies or banks in the names of others, report it to local or federal law enforcement authorities.
To report ID theft :  http://www.fbi.gov/about-us/investigate/cyber/identity_theft

DSCF3752

Its over there thank you very much _ Royal Hopper

And so on 

Phone Credit Card  Phishers made the rounds of at least one Sin City hotels by phone asking hotel guest for their credit card information apparently applying the same technology used by some of the more unsavory telemarketers. ID theft is a volume business.
Several Sin City tourist including a pair of intelligent young women discovered this week that same Icelandic niceness doesn’t apply to the rest of the world and it doesn’t hold true in the City of Sin.
No matter how many times us Sinners tell the tourists to keep an eye on their stuff someone always leaves it in or on the slot machine and is shocked, shocked I tell when it is gone when they get back.
“That doesn’t happen where I am from,” often went the compliant of people who left money and purses unattended while they went to the bathroom. “You aint in Kansas anymore Dorothy. This is the City of Sin,” watch your stuff.”

Damn it is cold _) Photo by Royal

Royals rules for a good Vegas vacation

* Do not ever give out your credit card information to people you don’t know on the phone. Go to the check in desk and ask for help.

*  Don’t date girls named Greta Snow Sugar.

*  Do not leave you stuff unattended for any reason. Don’t go to the bathroom, don’t go and get a smoke, don’t walk three aisles to ask what time it is. Your stuff will be gone and it is your fault.

Don’t be a sucker. In the City of Sin

So Long fellow Sinners

Take care

by

It’s Vegas Baby

“I know you want to say it,” said a cowboy clad conventioneer as he walked through a Vegas destination. The card he handed me said D.K.D.C. Stand by for the end of the blog to find out what that means and why you you will want to do it to.

It’s Vegas Baby. You were out of your league two days ago

By Royal Hopper 

Shadows on the Boulevard – Photo by Royal

Man I’m tired and out of focus – by Royal

Driving down the Boulevard – by Royaby Royal Hopper

If you want a look at life far away from the cynical confines of modern culture, somewhere you can delve into the brotherhood of humanity without consequence, somewhere you can walk peacefully down the street without concern…If you want all that .you are…….
SOL here  buddie.

This is the City of Sin man. It’s Vegas Baby Shangrila aint here and neither are the pants of the person attending a “secret” wild naked party . Apparently the pants were left in the hallway outside the wild naked party and when the person came back to claim his pants after the wild naked party…the pants were gone. Somebody obviously needed a quick change of clothes.

This is the City of broken dreams. As I have often said.  This City will hold your hand like a loving mother one minute and will eat you alive the next    if you let it …..
Just ask the lady who was certain someone had tip toed into her room while she was away playing blackjack and replaced one of the 100s in her purse with a counterfeit bill. Or the Elvis imitator who was being followed by adoring fans on his way the bus stop.
As I and many other resident Sinners often say the demons that haunt you in the City of Sin are the ones you bring with you.
Rumor has it that there is the spirit of a woman walking the hallways of Vegas casinos. In life, the legend goes.  she was known for having arguments with herself so loud people charged with keeping order in those places would run to the room only to find no one but that person and a large room mirror she was staring at with wide eyed intensity screaming her rage at the demon she beheld as loud at as loud a volume as her troubled lungs could manage.
At one of the many thousands of gaming tables in the City a novice gambler smiles and proclaims he has a system for winning like the people on TV. The Pit Boss in charge of that table smiles even more broadly and waves a cocktail waitress over so the “expert gambler” can wet his whistle.

This place can be a week of solid fun, somewhere to spend your money with abandoned but if you have ghosts haunting you ,,,it can be a harsh place to meet them
The man who waltzed through a casino with a beautiful woman on his arm and stopped to take an important phone call…”My wife that …..” he said trailing off as he realized people were listening and turning pale as he realized the call was made from a local number.

If you want some place to spend all your money play dress up or sell tap water to tourists or drag your kids and spouses places you know they don’t want to go this is the place. If you want somewhere you can always get a drink and the streets are like theme parks hey buddy take a seat.
If you want to find wisdom and a life changing experience try college or the Army or Social Work or start a charity. This is Vegas Baby and you were out of your league the moment you stepped off the plane.

That card..the one that signifies the difference between what people say and what they think the letters D.K.D.C on the card can be explained by the caption  beneath it.

Don’t Know Don’t Care says the caption ….there I said it…wooohooo

Such is life in the City of Sin

Take Care Sinners

Image

Late afternoon on the Boulevard _ Phpto by Royal

Knowing your limits in Las Vegas

Lady taking pictures on the strip – Photo by Royal Hopper

 

 Knowing your limits in Las Vegas

by Royal Hopper 

Security Officer to guest with dyed red hair looking around wildly at unseen enemies and talking to unseen friends…… “Are you all right Mam,”
Chick with red dye job:      “They told me to come here and the Zombies are chasing me.”
Security Guard to intoxicated elderly guest. “Are you all right sir?”
Elderly Guest to security guard…     “Mr. Budweiser is kicking my ass,”
There is no shame in knowing your limits. When the elderly gentleman mentioned above needed help getting to the bathroom he decided wisely enough was enough and asked for help getting to his room and promised not leave until he had slept “it off.”

Las Vegas is a town, excuse me a city,  built on the idea that exceeding the limits placed on the individual by society, common sense and the logic of self preservation is a good, wonderful, fun thing to do.
Just for a weekend or a week you get to pretend you are a Wild Thing who just doesn’t give a crap says the myth of Sin City.  Like the woman crossing Las Vegas Boulevard against the light in her halter top and daisy dukes. “Crosswalks we don’t need no stinking crosswalks..”
What many Sin City veterans have discovered through long observance of the Sin City myth is this _  there is no shame in knowing your limits and only going beyond them when necessity demands it.
   street scene                                                                                  

 Also in the spirit of the City of Sin  mythology of something for nothing I have decided to hire a personal assistant with the following requirements.

–——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Wanted Personal Assistant for Las Vegas writers and security guards
 Intern for Course Credit

* Must be named Tiffany, Heather or Ashley..Tiffany preferred but Ashleys and Heathers with valid cheer leading credentials will be considered.
 
* Must have a working knowledge of Swedish massage and hair care products

* Must know how to order take out and make coffee

* Must not have awareness of the past 20 years beyond “the simple things”

* Interested Parties may leave a message on this site or contact Dr. Phil as soon as possible
——————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Sunset hitting Mandalay Bay late last week – Photo by Royal Hopper

The man who stumbled up to a Las Vegas street corner on the asphalt of a busy Sin City street bruised, battered and dirty. His chic, name brand outfit was covered in bits of something organic and spots of red and gray_ perhaps the remains of a binge that had long since gotten the better of him. After pausing for several pregnant seconds stumbling a quick two or three steps he stopped for a minute seeming to realize he had no idea where he was and how he had gotten there. He looked down to the full bottle of brown liquor shrugging his shoulders and seeming to realize he didnt know what it was then  stepped onto the sidewalk set a full bottle of liquor on the curb and flagged down a passing cab. Fumbling in his torn pockets  he eventually fished a room key, $20  and a small pink paper umbrella you might find in a tropical drink out of the pocket as it too gave up the ghost and tore away as he climbed unsteadily into the yellow taxi.

There is no shame in knowing your limits or in taking your medicine if you have issues. If you can’t handle your liquor or poison of choice beyond a certain point  in stopping before you reach that point and there is no shame in seeing a good shrink or just calling it a night.

That’s life in the City of Sin
Rock on fellow Sinners

PS…
The zombies never showed

Knowing who you are and bouncing down the stairs on your bum

By Royal Hopper

Neon through the palm trees.. Keep your snow Chicago. I will take palm tress and sunshine any day _ Photo Royal

Knowing who you are and loving that person is a big part of being at peace with yourself.
Apparently wearing white furry ladies boots, three layers of torn winter pants, boasting a snow white pony tail and being drunk as a skunk has something to do with it.

A lot of us struggle with definitions of self all our lives. We wear masks and social camouflage all our lives. We scream be noticed, scream to not be left alone.. and then scream to be left alone.  Here in the City of Sin some of our more desperate denizens scream at themselves to notice themselves and at themselves to be left alone.
What do you make of a man that carries signs boasting the words “go away” and another that said “Leave me alone”  and F*** Off . Is that a clever way of shooing  people away or just another clever way of attracting them. You decide.
Anyway, it was reported to me that this white boot wearing guy was seen someplace in an upstairs casino showroom  where his drunken antics were not welcome. Pushing 70 this white haired gentleman stood up when approached then sat down on the stairs of his perch and slid down the banister like an bored 12-year-old at his grandmother’s bingo game.
Down on his luck or just drunk and fashion impaired like all of us working class stiffs …your guess is as good as mine.

A man in a wheel chair with his back to the camera was actually playing on his wireless laptop in the median _ Photo by Royal

Sunset in the City of Sin_ Photo by Royal

It was like walking into a lounge in a Las Vegas casino where dozens of people had been reported sleeping. Every one of the dozen people in the lounge were staring at Iphones laptops, Kindles or some kind of electronic device.
Only one woman was actually sleeping everyone else all the other loungers were people who trekked to Las Vegas for the Consumer Electronics Show and were staring at their consumer electronics in a Vegas casino. Waiting for the show to start.
“Yeah I am a geek sue me,” they seem to say.

In closing I would like to close by reporting that caffeine addiction is alive and well in the City of Sin. A very reliable source informed me of a terrible accident scene she happened upon while driving around the City of Sin on various errands.

The vehicles were crumbled up in a twisted pile of mangled metal and glass. (Working on my adjectives this week ) On top of of the crumpled mass of metal and glass was a lone coffee cup sitting where it owner had left it.

Who left the cup on top of the accident scene is a mystery but one can imagine just having been in an accident and moving heaven and earth to get your favorite coffee cup out of wreckage and drinking that one last cup before being hauled off to the hospital.
“Man if I am going to intensive care I need my caffeine.”

Is that wrong man ????

Such is life in the City of Sin

Rock on fellow Sinners

yes this is a hat _ Photo by Royal

2013 was a great Year or

“New Years ” is a Sin City cliche

By Royal Hopper

Custom Cat Food, drunks passed out in in Hall ways Batman,  Superman  and assorted party animals played into the lead up to New Years that most cliché of Las Vegas holidays.   It is a long story for another day but In the interest of a Happy 2014 lets review some of the things from 2013 and go over some of the things that will probably not change in the City of Sin.

Luke where did you put your ATM card _ Photo by Royal

It hard to believe that in this day and age guys and girls for that matter are still naïve enough to wake up minus their wallets pride and pride. . If a good looking slutty chick who is way out of your league tries to get in your pants chances are you are about to get rolled.

 Clues your about to be rolled:
If this chick says “take a shower I will be here when you get out,” chances are your wallet will be gone when you get out of the shower. If she says lets take a nap first or how about a special drink…don’t you believe it…
Figure out how to use the safe and put your stuff in it before you invite April May June to your room or go to score whatever from whatever character you met at the strip club.

If she gives you Champagne that taste like Grape Juice served by a guy named after a movie character or a chick named after a Holiday.” You are going to be Rufied….and rolled and you wife will find out.
Every Year guys who is sure they know how things work wake up with no money, no ID and no clue. Remember Prostitution is still illegal in Vegas and the “dancer” you hired to come to your room doesn’t have to do anything.

Also remember:

There are no such tings as psychics who charge overtime, the odds are always with the house and don’t bring your kids with you to gamble, drink and party….Vegas is not south central but it’s not Nebraska either.
The guys who befriended after you cashed in your big bet want your wallet not your sound advice on betting Canadian soccer. Come to the City of Sin by all means, gamble drink have a good time and then go home in one piece. Just remember that the moment they step out of the plant everyone is out of their league in this city. It is a strange beast that does not suffer fools at all much less lightly.

The Mirage was the first casino I worked in when I came to Vegas in 1989 and opening it was an experience I will never forget _ Photo Royal Hopper

Highlights of 2013

Favorite eccentric Homeless Guy signs  

To stupid to Steal …To Ugly to Prostitute

My family was kidnapped by Ninjas and I need money for Karate lessons to rescue them

Mt Marijuana Dealer was kidnapped by ninjas so I need money for the ransom

Come on dude don’t be a Dick…I’m broke

Hungry Help, Food

Eccentric Vegas characters of 2013

* Pretty people who dress strangely in black frills and black lace  flutter down the Boulevard and dance on sidewalks to get attention and then spend fifteen minuies rolling their eyes at the peasants who stare at them….

Guy with Ziggy Stardust Mullet.

David Lee Roth imitator

The Guys who obsess over a Fairy tale about Ponies and walk into a Vegas casino dressed like a Pony.

Serial question askers who walk in circles asking the same four people for directions to the bus stop….

The 150 or so dudes who decided they were to tired to walk another step and just stopped to sleep in whatever hallway they were walking in…

The guy who got so drunk he crawled into another man’s bed naked in the wrong hotel….

Worse quotes of 2013

“I thought she was a nice girl,”
“I lost all my money and they will not give it back,” (seriously)
“Does Las Vegas close?”
“Can you tell me where the Las Vegas lost and found is “
“I know how to make bets,”