The call of the drunken Speckled Belly Woohoo
By Royal M Hopper III
Sometimes while you are sitting quietly near a swimming pool in the City of Sin you will hear a quiet tentative wwooohoooo echoing across the still desert air from one of the most common of Sin City critters.
Looking across the glittering neon confines of the local casino or hotel pool or tourist trap I mean attraction you see the source of this plaintive woohoo. Badly dressed and ardently clutching the remains of its favorite, prey the novelty drink cup shaped like a guitar, dog or cartoon character full of an alcoholic beverage.
These exotic creatures are called many things by residents of the City of Sin including exotic names drunken aholes who help me pay the mortgage, but many simply refer to them by their proper name _ the Drunken Speckled Belly Nerd and their cousins the Drunken Speckled Belly yahoo and rarer but no less obvious speckled Belly Deuce or simply the Woohoos after their plaintive alcohol induced mating calls.
These critters are from many out of the way locales flocking to Sin City from exotic places like Cleveland, Canada and South Dakota. They gather at select habitats where cheap liquor is sold. Quiet at first the shy Drunken Speckled Belly creatures beginning by letting out a tentative “woohoo” and waving their favorite brown glass and clear plastic beverage containers around in the air.
It is quiet at first but soon, perhaps encouraged by the presence of other Speckled Belly Drunken woohoos or the haunting melodies on the overhead PA.a chorus of slurred woohoos begins to erupt from the scattered crowd of ordinary tourists.
Soon other soft faint woohoo’s join the chorus of Budweiser inspired cat calls and soon the entire pool or sidewalk is boohooing and shaking their brown bottles and plastic cups in the air like the wild animals they are and those that can stand attempt to dance and warble through the words of the song currently playing.
“Woohoo,” says one Speckled Belly yahoo dressed in overalls but wearing no shirt. “Woohoo,” answered another wearing tuxedo pants cut off at the knees.Woohoooo called a third .. .. .. Who wore a black leather bikini top with his purple Power Ball T-shirt and gray pajama bottoms.. . . Soon there is a chorus of woohoos echoing across the smoke and alcohol laden desert air..
Suddenly perhaps realizing they are in Vegas stone drunk and broke the woohoos trail off into the desert night and the Speckled Belly Woohoos return to the quiet confines of the nearest casino to spend what money they have left.. . .
Such is life in the City of Sin