A long night _ Photo by Royal Hopper

A long night woohoo_ Photo by Royal Hopper

The call of the drunken Speckled Belly Woohoo

By Royal M Hopper III

Sometimes while you are sitting quietly near a swimming pool in the City of Sin you will hear a quiet tentative wwooohoooo echoing across the still desert air from one of the most common of Sin City critters.

Looking across the glittering neon confines of the local casino or hotel pool or tourist trap I mean attraction you see the source of this plaintive woohoo. Badly dressed and ardently clutching the remains of its favorite, prey the novelty drink cup shaped like a guitar, dog or cartoon character full of an alcoholic beverage.

an even rougher night woohoo _ Photo by Royal

an even rougher night woohoo _ Photo by Royal

These exotic creatures are called many things by residents of the City of Sin including exotic names drunken aholes who help me pay the mortgage, but many simply refer to them by their proper name _ the Drunken Speckled Belly Nerd and their cousins the Drunken Speckled Belly yahoo and rarer but no less obvious speckled Belly Deuce or simply the Woohoos after their plaintive alcohol induced mating calls.

These critters are from many out of the way locales flocking to Sin City from exotic places like Cleveland, Canada and South Dakota. They gather at select habitats where cheap liquor is sold. Quiet at first the shy Drunken Speckled Belly creatures beginning by letting out a tentative “woohoo” and waving their favorite brown glass and clear plastic beverage containers around in the air.

It is quiet at first but soon, perhaps encouraged by the presence of other Speckled Belly Drunken woohoos or the haunting melodies on the overhead PA.a chorus of slurred woohoos begins to erupt from the scattered crowd of ordinary tourists.

Soon other soft faint woohoo’s join the chorus of Budweiser inspired cat calls and soon the entire pool or sidewalk is boohooing and shaking their brown bottles and plastic cups in the air like the wild animals they are and those that can stand attempt to dance and warble through the words of the song currently playing.

Rough life ...woohoo ? _ Photo by Royal

Rough life …woohoo ? _ Photo by Royal

“Woohoo,” says one Speckled Belly yahoo dressed in overalls but wearing no shirt. “Woohoo,” answered another wearing tuxedo pants cut off at the knees.Woohoooo called a third .. .. .. Who wore a black leather bikini top with his purple Power Ball T-shirt and gray pajama bottoms.. . . Soon there is a chorus of woohoos echoing across the smoke and alcohol laden desert air..

Suddenly perhaps realizing they are in Vegas stone drunk and broke the woohoos trail off into the desert night and the Speckled Belly Woohoos return to the quiet confines of the nearest casino to spend what money they have left.. . .

Such is life in the City of Sin
Woohoo Sinners
Rock on

Just because it cool ....woohoo _ Royal

Just because it cool ….woohoo _ Royal

The Perfect Vegas Strip Mall..Liquor World

The Perfect Vegas Strip Mall..Liquor World

Drinking In Your Under Wear

By Royal Hopper

People stopped to look at the man quietly sitting on the parched, sun baked bricks of a Las Vegas Landmark sipping on a cold brewed ale. Perhaps they stopped to listen to the jaunty tune he was reportedly humming to himself. Lets call this man Mickie the drunk mellow naked guy. 

Perhaps they were stopping to listen to the tales of woe and adventure Mickie was relating to no one in particular or perhaps they were watching as the desert breeze gently wafted through his unkempt hair.. .. ..
Or perhaps and more likely they were caught off guard by the sight of a man quietly sitting on a planter on Las Vegas Boulevard with a brew in his hand wearing nothing but his tightie whities.. Yes this denizen of the neon jungle was drinking beer n his underwear six feet from the busiest street in Las Vegas.NV.

There is an old saying in Vegas that goes something like anything that is worth doing is better done in your underwear._ ( okay I made it up sue me )

Bearded dude on a bike

Bearded dude on a bike

I am sure that is what another man,  lets call him Speedy the naked running guy, running down Las Vegas Boulevard in a set of dark blue skivies he was thinking as he ran with all the barefoot might he could muster about 100 feet ahead of his girlfriend who was much more modestly clad in a short skirted pajamas.

Speedy and his clothing optional cohorts jetted down the boulevard on some time sensitive mission weaving in and out of the throngs of tourists pausing occasionally to tuck in a stray body part that had flopped out of its resting place.
They dashed down the sidewalk like extras in some kind of romantic comedy run of shame back from a recent rendezvous.

The City of Sin in the morning _ Photo by Royal

The City of Sin in the morning _ Photo by Royal

The pair then continued to run up the escalator near Planet Hollywood with the guy, the younger more athletic of the two who was also less weighed down by clothing bounding up the escalator his bare feet apparently immune to the sun heated pavement and metal.

“Wait, wait,” the woman seemed to say, “we’re married you don’t have to run.” The man kept on running his long legged skivies flapping in the wind. As he ran up the escalator like a gazelle who had drunk a fifth of JD and followed it with a whole quart of Red Bull and a mouth full of prescription medication.
Maybe they just liked running half dressed down a busy Las Vegas street in the middle of the day. Who knows?

Later in the week another tattooed genius (lets call him tattooed genius guy or TGG) strode down the middle of a Sin City roadway wearing nothing but swim trunks and his late period Elvis Homage body art with a bag full of bottles of water. Strangely enough no one was buying water from the almost naked guy with the Elvis portrait on his chest At lest I think it was Elvis. At least I think it was Elvis.
It could have been Mickie Mouse or Brett Favre ..but I think it was Elvis.

Perhaps feeling that it was too hot even for swim gear _ TGG ripped the swim trunks off and continued his trek down the medians and crosswalks of the City of Sin wearing just his underwear and his tattoos. 

mom and kids

Lastly as the week was ending I saw the underwear phenomenon arrive on intoxicated fashion deprived wings to my own little Sin City suburban subdivision. One night unable to sleep because of a combination of night shift circadian issues and reoccurring insomnia I took one of our family pets for a late night walk. As I turned the corner around on of the gated communities many theme named streets I spotted a man wearing only long legged underpants and a pair flip flops the shoes made popular in the 70s by beach combing stoners and old people.

He wasn’t walking his dog or running a quick errand sans clothing he was just out for a walk in our cozy little gated family friendly complex in the relative cool of the desert night and decoded putting on a pair of pants was just to much of a hassle..

“Who the hell needs clothes anyway.”

For whatever reason people who come to this town seemed determined to take their clothes off in impropriate moments..

Why you got me .

That’s life in the City of Sin

Rock on Sinners

Take care

The Road to Eureka

By Royal Hopper

My wife and I took a long overdue vacation into northern California last week. In my mind I began comparing northern Cali tourists towns like Eureka and my home in the City of Sin. Stay tuned for my conclusion.

Giant statues of American mythological figures Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox stand near a cafe frequented by visitors to northern California tourists stops _ Photo by Royal Hopper

Giant statues of American mythological figures Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox stand near a cafe frequented by visitors to northern California tourists stops _ Photo by Royal Hopper

Leaving the City of Sin neon jungle behind for a few days we drove past the drunk guy standing by the side of the road in his skivies and leather jacket waving us impatiently onto the on ramp as he pointed to the sky and then to his watch and jumped on the Interstate headed to Eurka, California. We traveled north along the coast through Yosemite toward the Redwood National Forest and toward Eureka.
There few trees in the City of Sin and quaint and tranquil is not an adjective often used to described Las Vegas. Eureka is a quiet tourist town a short drive from the Redwood forest in the northern part of California.

The Riv

The Riv

Lets Compare Eureka and Sin City

As you travel the City of Sin down the infamous tourists corridor known as the “Strip” you might notice several men dressed like Elvis..

A beach lighthouse in the fog at a Northern California beach _ Photo by Royal Hopper

A beach lighthouse in the fog at a Northern California beach _ Photo by Royal Hopper

As you enter the great state of California through the back roads and stop for gas as you prepare to enter the land of nuts and flakes you might notice a man at the gas station who dresses much a younger Elvis with a pony tail tied with a braided leather cord and a John Bonham mustache.
You might say .”Great costume,” to which he may reply ..”Thanks .I mean what ?????,” because apparently this Elvis dresses like that all the time while he is at work, at the gas station. Does Vegas indeed have a lot in common with the forest of California ????

In the tourist traps in and near the Forests of California toward Eureka you can eat a hamburger near a giant statue of Babe the Blue Ox or buy gas by a giant wooden carving of Big Foot or eat a hotdog by what owners of the establishment swear is the largest and oldest tree in the state, Grandfather Tree.

You can buy gas under the watchful gaze of Big Foot at this gas station in northern California _ Royal Hopper

You can buy gas under the watchful gaze of Big Foot at this gas station in northern California _ Royal Hopper

In the City of Sin on the other hand you can get married at the Church of Elvis, you can pose for pictures with Big Bird and Little Orphan Annie and the Transformers and listen to street musicians who play impromptu disco versions of Green Day songs while occasionally checking their black felt hat for donations and you can watch women ( or men if that is your taste) dance half naked and tell well worn hand tooled jokes.
cityscape traffic 2
As you travel up the coast toward the mountainous beauty of Yosemite National Park and then up the coast toward the ancient Redwood forest on the northern Cali coast you can stop at the Church of Religious Science to get married which also has several outlets in Las Vegas according to Google.

In Vegas you can get married with $100 in your pocket and an hour to spare. If you a few more bucks in your pocket you can make the temporary acquaintance of a sidewalk Princess and all you have to do is hide your valuables avoid the spiked grape juice.

Driving down the highway going toward Eureka you spy things like Hooker Avenue and the exit for Weed, California. ( You have to wonder what the week ends are like in that town) and Liberal Street.

In Vegas people with signs are everywhere. Signs telling you how their families were kidnapped by ninjas and they need money to take Karate Lessons are normal parts of the Vegas experience.

the beach _ photo by Royal Hopper

the beach _ photo by Royal Hopper

In Eureka the horde of sign holding homeless seem to consist of the same six guys who cluster together on the dock near the beach smoking weed and one older woman holding a hand written sign asking for leftovers and actually taking them when offered.
As you drive down the highway passed the turn off for Hooker Avenue and the town of Weed and stop for gas by the Church of Religious and the Science you think to yourself the tourists towns of California and Las Vegas are a lot alike. ,..
Hopper avenue exit
No don’t be a moron of course they are not alike Eureka is much smaller ..

That is life in Eureka .I mean in the City of Sin

Take Care Sinners

Rock On