Whack Job, Tourist, Denizen or citizen
Take the Test Sinner
by Royal Hopper
Try this the next time you are in the City of Sin try a little test …While you are walking down the street to purchase your next overpriced latte try to pick out who are the tourists, who are the hustlers or what I call denizens of Sin City, who are the genuine whack jobs who believe in the voices and who are the locals caught in the middle of their constant battles. _ and which one are you…
Are you the man dancing in the middle of a Sin City sidewalk shaking his bootie to invisible music just because that one time you got into studio 54 back in 74 never really left you????
Are you the wide eyed family from BFE who innocently asks hotel employees…”Does the Strip close???” or
Are you the clever hustler from Fred’s Cab service who offers to take the tourists with four first names to a place he knows where they will be served drugged grape juice and wake up without their vacation money….
“Say there Billy Joe Bobby Ray..I know the joint and the girl for you…(I am from Texas so I am allowed to say that)
“Her name is April May you will love her,” he says as he looks at the Rolex on your right wrist…”
Are you the crazy guy who shouts ….I knew Elvis….I used to make pizza..It is a conspiracy I tell you ….Stayin..Alllliiiiiiiii iiiiiii iiiive yeah” while standing shirtless on a street corner near a group of guys who were planing to beat your ass for flashing them but turn away because you are a nut bag.
Are you the guy with the mortgage and ambien prescription trudging ….oh never mind
Did you ever take one of those tests online to see if you which character/creature/ rock star// whatever you are …The following test is designed to see which one of those Sin City archetypes you really are…. Keep track of your answers and your score will be posted in the response or forwarded to you in private Does what happen in Vegas stay in Vegas….
1. a really fine chick hits on you and her boyfriend is a dangerous looking dude …do you stay on course….run away …pray for guidance …..CATS With purple eyes breathing on me…..
What do you do …..
A. Stay on Course. Risk it all..Im hot and she knows it. She will ditch her boyfriend and go out with you. Most Special Forces guys are really secretly wussies….
B. Pray for guidance. Make a counter offer to the boyfriend and get both their phone numbers. You have been living a lie and Vegas has set you free… woohoo
C. CATS with Purple Eyes breathing on me. Take a picture of her with your telephoto lens and lie to your invisible friends about what you did with her
I answered D. I would smile politely and shake the dudes hand and walk on because on our second date I took my wife to a pistol range and showed her how to shoot a gun…damn
2. You hit a jackpot do you
A. Party like a rock star until the money runs out and then panhandle for bus faire
B. Keep playing until you win he big one
C. Tell the pit boss at the craps table to rate you and play until you run out of money
D. I chose D tip the waitress and slot host and then take the rest home and pay some bills and pad your IRA and buy you wife some flowers…
E. Mickey Mouse took my money ….
3. A guy with a salt and pepper pony tail and a tie dyed t-short notices you handing out small baggies full of a white powdery substance and offers to buy some from you…
A. Give him a baggy as a measure of good karma
B. Sell him a baggy…What the hell money is money right
C. Tell him to get lost
D. I answered D smile and walk away because this guy is a Narc it is the end of his shift and if you answered AB or C you are probably going to spend the next hour at the jail explaining why you were passing put bags of Splenda laced with No Doze with your door passes to the Strip Joint named after a television character no one has heard of ….
4. You are from Canada …you
A. Complain about the heat
B. Complain politely that the hockey themed slot machine isn’t very realistic
C. Sing a medley of Celene Dion songs while laying in the ground
D. Never mind you are going to look like a tourist no matter what you do
E. The Purple Eyed Cat People live in Canada….
5. You win free tickets to Wayne Newton’s farewell concert at a Bingo game down strip. What do you do….
A. Put on a tux and get in line buddie. Wayne is cool. My first wife loved him
B. Give the tickets to your grandmother
C. Sell the free tickets to a group of tourists from Nebraska and run to make that Parley card before the odds change….
D. Who the hell is Wayne Newton ????
E. I chose E….put the free tickets on the counter near the bathroom walk to my car and blast Ozzie from the stereo on my way home…….
All right folks keep track of your answers and post them on the site…you will; be informed of you status in the response or by email if you desire….
That is life in the City of Sin
Taker Care Sinners