yes this is a hat _ Photo by Royal

2013 was a great Year or

“New Years ” is a Sin City cliche

By Royal Hopper

Custom Cat Food, drunks passed out in in Hall ways Batman,  Superman  and assorted party animals played into the lead up to New Years that most cliché of Las Vegas holidays.   It is a long story for another day but In the interest of a Happy 2014 lets review some of the things from 2013 and go over some of the things that will probably not change in the City of Sin.

Luke where did you put your ATM card _ Photo by Royal

It hard to believe that in this day and age guys and girls for that matter are still naïve enough to wake up minus their wallets pride and pride. . If a good looking slutty chick who is way out of your league tries to get in your pants chances are you are about to get rolled.

 Clues your about to be rolled:
If this chick says “take a shower I will be here when you get out,” chances are your wallet will be gone when you get out of the shower. If she says lets take a nap first or how about a special drink…don’t you believe it…
Figure out how to use the safe and put your stuff in it before you invite April May June to your room or go to score whatever from whatever character you met at the strip club.

If she gives you Champagne that taste like Grape Juice served by a guy named after a movie character or a chick named after a Holiday.” You are going to be Rufied….and rolled and you wife will find out.
Every Year guys who is sure they know how things work wake up with no money, no ID and no clue. Remember Prostitution is still illegal in Vegas and the “dancer” you hired to come to your room doesn’t have to do anything.

Also remember:

There are no such tings as psychics who charge overtime, the odds are always with the house and don’t bring your kids with you to gamble, drink and party….Vegas is not south central but it’s not Nebraska either.
The guys who befriended after you cashed in your big bet want your wallet not your sound advice on betting Canadian soccer. Come to the City of Sin by all means, gamble drink have a good time and then go home in one piece. Just remember that the moment they step out of the plant everyone is out of their league in this city. It is a strange beast that does not suffer fools at all much less lightly.

The Mirage was the first casino I worked in when I came to Vegas in 1989 and opening it was an experience I will never forget _ Photo Royal Hopper

Highlights of 2013

Favorite eccentric Homeless Guy signs  

To stupid to Steal …To Ugly to Prostitute

My family was kidnapped by Ninjas and I need money for Karate lessons to rescue them

Mt Marijuana Dealer was kidnapped by ninjas so I need money for the ransom

Come on dude don’t be a Dick…I’m broke

Hungry Help, Food

Eccentric Vegas characters of 2013

* Pretty people who dress strangely in black frills and black lace  flutter down the Boulevard and dance on sidewalks to get attention and then spend fifteen minuies rolling their eyes at the peasants who stare at them….

Guy with Ziggy Stardust Mullet.

David Lee Roth imitator

The Guys who obsess over a Fairy tale about Ponies and walk into a Vegas casino dressed like a Pony.

Serial question askers who walk in circles asking the same four people for directions to the bus stop….

The 150 or so dudes who decided they were to tired to walk another step and just stopped to sleep in whatever hallway they were walking in…

The guy who got so drunk he crawled into another man’s bed naked in the wrong hotel….

Worse quotes of 2013

“I thought she was a nice girl,”
“I lost all my money and they will not give it back,” (seriously)
“Does Las Vegas close?”
“Can you tell me where the Las Vegas lost and found is “
“I know how to make bets,”

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