Don’t Sit on Moola

By Royal Hopper

This week I learned you shouldn’t sit on cows named Moola or expect normality in the suburbs.

It was a long week in the suburbs. I was on vacation and broke as a beer peddler on  Friday. ( I have no idea what that means ..a distant relative of mine said it once years ago _ the same one who tried tell my future with a deck of souvenir playing cards and discounts on quarter sticks of dynamite.)
But fear not Fellow Sinners there is still much to report from this Sin City Sinner. During my exile in the suburbs I encountered the complete cast of characters you see every day in the City of Sin and I didn’t go anywhere near Las Vegas Boulevard.

Moola the Cow sits on the Laughlin River Walk near an ice cream stand Wednesday afternoon _Royal

You know you can see the strangest people eating a box of chicken nuggets in the suburbs and hanging around a Wal-Mart here is a lot like being in the Peace Corp in a strange distant Island like Bora Bora.
I one place you see many dangerous strange, oddly dressed natives engaging in difficult to understand rituals, and dancing to strange beat of native drums as isolated wide men try to bring enlightenment to the unenlightened. It is a weird place. It is dangerous and exotic. Then there is the Bora Bora Peace Corp.

I saw a lot of things in my week off in the burbs
I saw a man with a bottle of whiskey in his hand hanging out by a doorway. I saw a woman in a cheesy costume,  a pink woolen heart on her sleazy denim shirt, a pair of Daisy Duke short shorts on her healthy rear end.
There was and a man talking to himself banging his head like  champion metal head jamming out to what I hope was a song on IPOD I couldn’t see and not the invisible friend inspired by those purple stamps he licked repeatedly at the Guns and Roses so many years ago…..Welcome to the Suburbs ..we got SUVs ..we got anything you want if you got ID……Those are the words right ….

Laughlin this week _ Royal

The Cow I spoke of is named Moola. Moola is parked in front of a casino along the River Walk in Laughlin, Nevada. I should add that Moola is made of wood and is the mascot if a ice cream stand on the walk.
Apparently the patrons of the River Walk, mostly older people with gray hair like to sit on Moola.  These gray haired rabble rousers sat on Moola  on her often enough that Moolo the cow had a sign taped on the side of her body that read,,,Don’t Sit On Moola

I saw all of these things several times and did not go near the Strip. The day I went back to work and had to drive into the heart of Sin City the first thing I saw was a man stumbling down a Sin City roadway several feet from nearest sidewalk _ because you know using sidewalks on a busy city street is for woosies. Real men stumble drunk down the road and trust their fellow men not to run their drunken ass over. I saw men with bottles in their hands and people wearing silly costumes. The same stuff I saw in the City of Sin.
I even saw a sign that said honk if you love Virginia…I swear that is what it said. What’s wrong with Virginia. It is a lovely state. _ What’s that you say ….put on my glasses next time……

Their Freaking ducks swimming in the water near the Riverwalk in Laughlin _ Royal

The problem with Vegas is that in spite of what you may think. It isn’t all that weird or different. It isn’t an alien colony or a cult of schizophrenics who worship Dr. Pepper bottles named Fred with eyes painted on them. Vegas is us. It’s dysfunctions are our dysfunctions let out of the bag and given a costume.

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