It might surprise you to know people drink a lot here, the gamble on occasion and they party all night often with people they barely know.
A Real Man Can Walk and Eat Nuggets at the Same Time
by Royal Hopper
There was a time when being “invited to party” by another man on the rebound, because he is broken hearted over the actions of his philandering boyfriend would have made my redneck blood boil.
There was a time when I would have let loose a stream of invectives, stalked away and watched Patton the movie repeatedly and talked about football at every opportunity as a way of feeling more manly.
When it happened this week I found it mildly flattering ( since he was far younger and better dressed than I) and typical of the City of Sin. One of the advantages of being a jaded Sin City veteran is that it takes a great deal to surprise you. here you have to be very weird to impress anybody. As I have often said when I first arrived in the City of Sin all those years ago I was a different person. Weird things made me stare in disbelief and being from BFE Texas everything was weird to me. Now I can walk past cartoon characters, half naked panhandlers, schizophrenic performance artists and Republicans without blinking an eye. Last New Years I complimented a casino guest with purple clad like an 80s Hair Metal diva on his costume. he smiled then looked at me and said with all seriousness What costume ? (Thank you novelty fortune cookie and reruns of Kung Fu for all philosophical references)
Vegas is not for the Socially Faint of Heart.
Consider that this gentleman armed only with Jack Daniels and Armani opened his heart to a perfect stranger with a Texas drawl, twice his age without fear of consequences and then think about what you would say to them.
“People come to this city to do three things,” I said as he related the level of his heartbreak but not giving any details. “They come to drink, they come to gamble…” I said thinking for a moment,” and they come to break hearts,” I said preparing to catch him as he wavered forward apparently on the verge of falling down as Mr. jack Daniels appeared ot be getting the better of him. My words seemed to make a connection in his perfectly dressed, perfectly quaffed, ethanol soaked brain. ( once again Thank you novelty fortune cookie and the crazy guy who talks to himself very loudly)
Winning his subconscious fight with Mr. Daniels the black clad partier caught himself before he toppled to the floor thought for a moment stood upright looked at me and said..”You have to come party with us….”
It could have been an innocent comment or he could have been serious. Probably he was trying to make a fat old guy feel good in a two day drunk kind of way. “I’m too married, to old and to broke for that kind stuff anymore but thank you for asking, and” I said pausing for emphasis and adding “I am thinking about becoming a Democrat.”
“Oh,” he said smiling and walking away. Apparently this gentleman had trouble being drunk and depressed at the same time so he gave up and decided to be just drunk.
There seemed to be a lot of drinking in the City of Sin this week even more than usual.
The inability to do two things at once is a common Sin City problem. On the way to work early one morning this week I spotted a group of well dressed Sin Citiers striding down a Las Vegas street late after a long night of drinking. One of these gentleman was gnawing on a chicken nugget like he hadn’t eaten anything other than bar food in three days which he likely hadn’t.
The hungry drunk as I will call him henceforth walked in a zig zag motion with a noticeable pattern. He would bite the chicken nugget he carried in his left hand, take a step, come to a complete stop, bite the nugget again come to a complete stop and take another step. He repeated this pattern as he walked the length of a cross walk on the corner. Finally perhaps realizing he was in a cross walk he stopped completely to chew then took a few steps and stopped again and swallowed.
It as if he was so drunk he could bite a chicken nugget, or chew or swallow or take a step but could not do perform two of these complex tasks together without falling down. He could either walk or chew nugget or swallow but not two of them at the same time …what….////
I guess the same could be said of the man sitting down on the grass in front of a McDonalds on Las Vegas Boulevard/ Now this occurrence is not unusual in and of itself, However this gentleman didn’t look like he was in distress ..It appeared that he had gotten his food walked outside for some reason and after three steps decided ..he was to tired or two drunk or both to go any further. This is far enough.” he seemed to be saying. “.Ill eat my egg McMuffin right here.”
Just another day in Vegas along with the cartoon characters, the parents dragging their kids to endless half priced stage shows, themed casinos and a sea of neon.
It is all here in the City of Sin
We all grow up a little as we grow old ..some more than others,….. I am guessing the woman in the neon striped pajamas jogging down the Strip this week and the guy shouting at his girlfriend 30 seconds after she had stopped listening and walked away and was taking pictures of clowns have a ways to go.
Rock on Sinners