By Royal Hopper
The collective IQ or the City of Sin went up a few points this week and then it went down and got very drunk and practiced being Irish for day and it was like Junior High in the City of Sin this week.
There were exceptions as I have mentioned from time to time to time _ the billion dollar casinos, bikini clad chicks, life sized cartoon characters posing for pictures and the guy standing on the corner who says what costume when you comment on how great his Sponge Bob foam rubber head looks.
All the Junior High cliques were here in the City of Sin this week. The nerds were there as groups of teachers from all grades came to town for an annual convention.
“I want bacon B-A-C-O-N,” one of the teachers was reported to have said to a waitress in a Sin City restaurant. Perhaps more used to talking to inattentive 6-year-olds or intoxicated co-eds the tourists I mean the teacher reportedly continued ..“I want American bacon ….A-M-E-R-I-C-A-N ….,” perhaps referring to the restaurants Canadian/English style breakfast meat that comes standard with their breakfasts…
The waitress reportedly bit her lip a bit soldiered on and politely complied with the request but it was clear what she really desired to do was say something like …Kiss My ASS…A-S-S …
The jocks or wannabe jocks were in town as thousands of sports fans loaded up on belly fulls of beer in preparation for watching the team they had wagered their wages for the week (two Pop /Rock song references a cookie for anyone who recognizes where those song lines originated.) One enthusiastic sports fan was seen running down the the Boulevard in the middle of the street waving a pair of Red Pom Poms.
The drama queens rode into town and ……..people named Rico, Ang, Billy Bob, Dikimbe, and bald headed guys from Brazil imagined they were named Sean and had an O in their name….
The head cases were there.
Imagine your so drunk you wander into a party you weren’t invited to and pick a fight with the Billy Bad Ass with a Marine Corps Crew cut ( a high and tight for all you Jarheads) and get your ass handed to you. Now imagine you decide to pick a fight with the people who come to evict you and you lose again.
The nerds even imported a player or two for the week.
Usually as the weather gets warmer here in Sin City the joggers get leaner and less well clothed but this week there was an exception.
You got to admire a guy who is so dedicated to the art of jogging that he will run down the avenue in the City of Sin in broad daylight wearing a polo, cotton dockers, deck shoes that would have been nerdy in Kansas and large rape prevention eye glasses. ( so named because the chances of having sex while wearing them even against your will is slim to none).
I watched in horrid fascination as this unconcerned tourist ( an Asian gentleman from someplace exotic like California perhaps) jogged down the boulevard dressed like he was going to a business lunch at some nerdy country club. Man that self confidence. Nerds rule the future baby because we just don’t give a crap. Fashion sense we don’t need no stinking fashion sense…( movie reference ..a sandwich and a cup of coffee for the first one to get that reference and show up at my house Tuesday.
I see a new trend coming _ a new kind of nerd flash mob. You dress in the nerdiest get up you can find and meet up on Las Vegas Boulevard and jog down the street unconcerned by the hordes of cool looking hedonist gaping at you as you travel.
What is next jogging in tie dye or plaid or heaven forbid polyester? Oohh the horror …oh the horror
The temps were warmer, the bikinis were shorter, and even homeless guys holding signs wore green.
Such is life in the City of Sin.
Rock on fellow Sinners
It’s an amazing thing when you see someone with shoes so ugly its makes you gasp and then realize they look just like the ones you have in the closet ….
“Hey man look at the old guys shoes what a nerd he hehe he…oh wait oh damn..” you get what I am saying.