By Royal Hopper
How many Canadians does it take to screw in a light bulb???? I dont know but I bet you they have played hockey while doing it in weather colder than than this….
Warm weather returned to the City of Sin this weekend _ for two days. Then it got cold again although my definition of cold did make two Canadian tourists laugh out loud for a bit and talk about hockey.
One man’s answer to the brief return of moderate weather to the City of Sin was to find a stretch of green grass in front of a fast food establishment take his shoes off and lay down on it drinking in the noontime sun while it lasted.
Nearby two fellow Sin City denizens, veterans of the Sin City donation game were seated on the ground up against bright orange parking dividers in the unused parking lot next to the restaurant glaring disapproval at the strange man who had interrupted their day of sitting.
One had a sign the other was wrapped in a heavy black coat in spite of the heat and sported a black cap and pants looking for all the world like a ninja Teletubbie and handler asking for spare Teletubbie change and waiting for the master ninja Teletubbie to do something about the man airing his size 13s on the green heavily watered grass.
This enterprising fellow decided that a taking a warm nap near a busy city sidewalk was a capital idea and for several minutes he just lay there shielding his eyes from the sun occasionally changing positions. The other denizens actually seemed pleased when the local police cycled by and upset when they didn’t make the man moving his large 6 foot 5 inch frame around the trimmed green grass lawn for a good half hour.
Eventually Big Foot, or super Teletubbie ninja as I will call him from now on, moved on to greener pastures or was asked to by his fellow denizens perhaps because he was impinging on their donation take.
These kind of dramas went on for two or three days and even the pretty people joggers started returning to the strip reluctantly allowing people to watch them running.
Then a few days ago the warm weather ended and the normal people went inside leaving a few Canadians and Wisconsinites to deal with the “cold.” The bearded panhandling veteran that stands one the corner or of Las Vegas Boulevard across from Circus Circus wasn’t intimidated by the cold.
He stood in his accustomed spot red coat and white beard visible from dozens of feet away at least, and did not give into to Jack Frost‘s subtle manipulations. He was out with his hand out making the most of the day.
Did he have a better work ethic than the others or was he simply in straits to dire to stay home…errrr away …whatever.
The tourist who stopped me to ask directions to a famous Las Vegas landmark certainly were not worried about the cold. I advised them it was cold out and maybe they wait or take a cab to their chosen destination. They snickered a bit and said …its all right eeehhh. Were from Canada we play hockey sleep naked in weather colder than this,” ..or something to that effect.
The Nerds Return
I would also like to announce with some authority and acclaim that My People have in fact not gone home for the season. By my people I of course mean Nerds…I saw a lady in a giant pink long sleeved pull over and dark blue borrowed form fitting sweat pants she shouldn’t have worn and a pair of Rape Prevention Glasses that could be seen a mile away. We used to call these horned rimmed Nerd eye glasses…. Rape Prevention Glasses when I was in the US Army in the very cool mid 80s _ because they were so ugly and Nerdy looking that your chances of having sex while wearing them even with a horny crazed, rapist was nearly zero.
This chick was unfazed by onlookers as she half jogged/half power walked down the boulevard with her hands tucked up inside her sleeves as she periodically looked at her watch and smiled at male pedestrians as she jogged/walked along convinced they were staring at her because she was one hot Mama. You just have to admire confidence like that – you just have to. I do.
What is an alcoholic?
Lastly I would like to ask. How do you know when you’re an alcoholic? Perhaps its when you spend ten minutes in front of a Sin City municipal trash can fishing around for a used water bottle. You find a used water bottle and proceed to pour the remains of a 40 ounce can of malt liquor into it and continue to do this until the two water bottles you fished out of the Sin City trash can are full of used beer which was not that tasty to start with. It was after all discarded half drunk by wandering alcoholics in the first place.
This week I stood and watched a gentleman do exactly that in front of Las Vegas Boulevard casino and this is the thing. He didn’t look homeless…
Such is Life in the City of Sin
Rock on Fellow Sinners
And stay warm next to your favorite source
Jogger report: The pretty people joggers made their first tentative steps onto the main Sin City drag this week but were driven back by falling temperatures. Nerd Joggers also appeared in force adjusting their Rape Prevention Glasses as they ran and were not driven back by the cold. Nerds Rule buddy.