By Royal Hopper
Some things in Las Vegas are like first dates with a cross dressing cousins and the free hotdogs you get at downtown casinos.
They are unusual, perverted, a little wrong and always offer a surprise no matter how many times you see feel and taste them and no matter how much mustard, onions and chili you put on them before you bite them.
Other things are not such a surprise and shouldn’t be for anyone who has patrolled environs of this city for any length of time. Some incidents just send out undeniable signals to hose who have lived here awhile.
For instance when you see a moderately good looking woman with shaggy windblown hair that is heavily dyed teased and held in place with four pounds of hairspray and vaguely reminiscent of the look worn by an extra in the Movie Pretty Woman, a romantic flick about the world’s oldest profession, walking with a guy that could best be described as Mayberry’s homely best, a guy who is cleanly dressed and likely has a couple of dollars in his pocket you can guess one of two things.
Old Vegas showrooms are where old acts go to do two shows a night
Either this or that
One…The cast of Pretty Woman the stage production is in town six inch heels she is sporting are part of the dress rehearsal for an upcoming show or she is a working girl and the homely guy walking with her does indeed have money in his pocket and is looking for ahh……directions to …..well you get the idea…..
This week among other things the City of Sin was invaded by a force of reprobates 7,000 strong armed with custom made tools of the trade concealed in leather cases slung across their backs or carried in eager hands to the place of battle in the back in the same old hallways that were once patrolled by Sinatra and his gangster pals.
Professional Pool players came to the City of Sin. These hard drinking, sun shy bar flys can often be seen crossing the stretch of ground between the pool and the hotel convention center with their two piece custom made pool cue strapped to their backs their eyes shielded from the light, their pale skin _ glowing in the early morning Nevada sunlight and their pool playing eyes are unfamiliar with the outdoors. They look like really unhealthy looking pool playing vampires with ponytails and badly fitting T-Shirts.
As they walked across that unfamiliar sunny terrain they walked past the lap swimming guy. Lap swimming guy was bald and the neatly cut remnants of his hair were shock white but the dude could swim man. I got tired just watching this guy swim lap after lap after lap and show off for the ladies when he got out. Unfortunately the lap swimming guy’s confidence did not change the fact he was way past his prime and had love handles as large as any self respecting couch potato like me.
Still you gotta admire his Chutzpah at that age swimming like otter and showing off in spite of pale skin and love handles.
Was he a retired SEAL who just couldn’t lay off the French fries or a former Olympic swimmer who took the lifetime supply of Coca Cola he received from his endorsement contract way to seriously. It doesn’t matter you just have to respect that kind of confidence even if, especially if it isn’t really justified.
The same can be said for the tiny temptress who stood at a local bus stop putting the moves on a man half her age and at least twice her height. She was so tiny when I first happened upon the couple I almost called the PD to report a child molester. A second look told me she was sun worshiping 40 something who just liked much younger men and brother she was putting the moves on this guy and he was lapping it up like a Labrador licking a bowl full of milk.
A really big shoe
In one corner of the casino two women argue one of them insisting she be listened to and the other asking her what she wants the other to do and making suggestions and of course the other frowning her frustration at the others lack of emotional intelligence. Then they stop arguing and walk away arm in arm perhaps expecting to be noticed but nobody here does.
It a city where Mickey Mouse hangs out downtown taking pictures with strangers and where you stop someone dressed like Elvis and ask them where the costume party is and they look at you puzzled asking “What costume party???” and where rock stars have walked around in full stage get up barely drawing a glance such things barely stir a whisper’s notice. In a city where people come upon a friend passed out on a side walk and whip out a cell phone to post pictures of their friend plight on their face book page and paramedics have at leats on some occasions have had to push eager gamblers out of the way to help a person passed out at a gaming table.
Two women or two men holding hands doesn’t rate gasp or even a blink unless of course their is a cell phone handy……
A really big shoe
Such is life in the City of Sin
Til next week
This weeks Jogger report: This week jogging teams seemed to be the vogue of the day. Several groups of joggers were seen traipsing down Las Vegas Boulevard in identical outfits running in close step with one another and at the same pace. It was rather like watching a group of military men training for the job at hand, except of course for the whole geeky older yuppie scary looking talking to the hookers as they jog kind of thing and the rubber ducky on the sleeve thing was also a give away, and I swear one of them had a cigarette in his hand as he jogged and another jogged inside a casino in her path and stopped to pop a quarter in a nearby machine running in place as the reels spun and then running out the door to continue her run.