By Royal Hopper
Question how often do you pack up the family and head out for a day on the infamous Las Vegas strip, a day trip to the center of the City of Sin no less and end up shopping for an hour and a half ?
Answer your wife and daughter want to go shopping and manage to drag you along under threats of a chick flick marathons and long sessions of meaningful conversation about feelings, fashions and first times. ( babe remember the first time we….. insert meaningless chick obsessions like the first time we held hands or the first time we watched television or played monopoly arrrrggggghhhhh)
Is this really a problem ????
Themed Shopping in the City of Sin
Las Vegas is home to vast seas of immorality, Disney like adult ( an adult means exactly what you think it does) tourist traps, legendary debauchery, themed gambling halls larger than many towns, prostitutes, billion dollar bets ( not really) and non stop drinking.
It is also the home of the state’s largest Coca Cola store and an M & M emporium that comes complete with a free 3-D movie and two hyper active Mcs . M & M coffee cups, M&M baseball caps, M&M tops bottoms and so on and so on and so on and all the cheesy themed shopping stores you can possible imagine.
It is a truly bizarre thing to see people who were likely gambling their rent money and gazing at the cocktail waitress …assets hugging Coca Cola Polar bears, and stuffing Coca Cola T-shirts, Coca Cola coffee cups, Coca Cola dog tags, key chains, newspapers and machines that make any kind Coca Cola flavor made in the known world in Coca Cola shopping bags.
The M&M store was truly an interesting experience. The teenie bopper hosts looked and sounded a great deal like living M&Ms and most of the people shopping in the store were well into their 40s.
Did you ever work with someone or have a customer that made you want to pick up a tire iron and cave their skull in simply by walking in the room or speaking for more than 20 seconds? It would be a mercy killing you say to yourself as you chant your inner peace mantras and humm you favorite Ozzie song as a way of distracting yourself from what you know is a righteous desire to…I’m going off the rails of a ….see it’s working….
There is an old saying that stress is the mental conflict that occurs when the mind interferes with the bodies desire to strange the crap out someone who desperately deserves it and anyone who works with the public or works with the people who work with the public has to develop the skill of distracting yourself from this righteous rage.
The kind of people who for some reason seem to know your name even though for six months you even see them in the same Vegas casino on a regular basis you thought his name was bald angry fat guy.
This is the kind of person whose own family probably refers to them as the bald angry fat guy. “Were here to see so and so,” ( I still don’t remember his damn name)
I’m sorry I don’t know that person…You know the bald angry guy…” Oh him..I think he went home….
This week alone I can count at least three times when I had to tell a tourist something was closed or moved or they couldn’t park somewhere and had them ask ‘why did they do that???” I suppose referring the magical fairies who make all the decisions at to hotels in the City of Sin.
You want to say something like, “you know its all my fault. I knew you out of the millions of tourist who come to this city every year were coming here from Okawalaphodog and did all this just to piss you off. Or maybe …Dude I’m dressed in a polyester uniform that hasn’t been in style since disco was hot and new and lava lamps were cool how much do you think people who own this hotel tell me .
Las Vegas on the run. No not really I was just experimenting with the focus
Photos R.M. Hopper
The jogger report
This weeks jogger report. The number of people jogging down Las Vegas Boulevard increased by the inverse of ooh my freaking God how OCD do you have to be to travel hundreds maybe thousands of miles to the City of Sin to go jogging.
Not that I mind watching the better looking lady joggers and you can always tell the real runners from the fakers like me who look at old pictures of themselves in military uniforms and forget that it isn’t 1986 and hasn’t been for a long time.
The real runners have thick well muscled legs and actually look good in running shorts. The fakers among us will pretend to run for a couple of blocks get that to hell with this look and then pretend they were actually just trying to catch the bus or beat the light crossing the street and just didn’t make it. I swear I saw one guy holding a soda and running suddenly cut across the intersection so he could pretend that’s what he wanted to do all along and he wasn’t jogging down a deserted Vegas road in the wee hours of the morning and ran out of gas.
Also in the City of Sin a lonely plastic mini bottle of Vodka was spotted sitting on the window sill where it was deposited the night before a lonely metaphor for this city, the city of Sin. Like Sin City this tiny bottle of booze is cheap, cheesy potent and powerful, brightly colored and difficult to ignore but in the end all about the fun and payment and regretting tomorrow…. tomorrow …..
Such is Life in the City of Sin
Til Next week