By Royal M. Hopper III and yes that is my real name
First of all wish me a happy anniversary this week I have been married to the same person for 17 years a rare thing in the modern world and even rarer in the city of Sin. We celebrated early because we both work Sunday and we celebrated with that greatest of American traditions we ate to much at a restaurant and told stories about the stupid things we had done in our 17-years together etc etc…I wrote a poem and bought a stuffed bear hugging a Rose….Rock On and on
The most wonderful thing about Las Vegas is, that under all the cynicism the City of Sin can muster and all the danger any modern city represents it is in actuality a very silly place . It is a silly place where very silly people can for a moment or two temporarily be themselves free of the demands of social intelligence or good taste or even common sense.
They can for a time express their inner child even if, or perhaps especially, if the inner child is a dork wearing a polyester shirt with horizontal l blue and green stripes vintage 1970, a pair of Bermuda shorts and a big …red……Santa hat and a pair of thick rimmed eye glasses so heavy they could be issued to near sighted special forces soldiers…and could be a danger to Las Vegas pedestrians…”
Judge : “So now…tell the court why you shot this man on Las Vegas Boulevard….”
Guy who shot a guy on Las Vegas boulevard: “He threatened me with these huge glasses…I had to shoot him …
Judge” Yes I heard the nerds and dorks are getting hostile
Guy: What kind of Judge are you….???
Judge : The fun kind wanna take a picture with me
Then there is tour group who came half way across the world to break dance in the parking lot of a Las Vegas Macdonald’s, or the old couple who jay walked across Las Vegas Boulevard at what was for them a full out sprint and for most people a slow motion jog, or the Pink Lady who returned to my favorite Las Vegas landmark with her tour group once again clad head to toe in bright neon Pink nylon, taffeta and polyester complete with hot pink hair; but whatever Peter Pan is alive and well in the City of Sin, although he is probably drunk and hitting on the underage hooker at the other end of the building.
I cannot bring this subject of weird costumes up without revisiting the story of the naked lady costume fad that visited the City of Sin in the mid 90s. I know I must have told you this story before but I have to mention it with New years Eve creeping up on us and the end of the world a scant 12 months away. One year, I think it was New Years Eve, it could have been Halloween but I think it was new Year’s Eve and the place was Treasure Island. Two followers of the naked lady craze had purchased two of these rubber naked lady suits and wore them to the holiday celebration. Now this is not in an of itself illegal as far as I know but in a Vegas casino full of drunks it could be a problem.
With all that was going on these faux naked ladies evaded the attention of hotel security but as the night went on and the patrons got drunker they began mistaking the fake naked ladies for the real thing and began making drunken advances toward them.
“Hey fellas this is going to get dicey in a few ya’ gotta put some clothes on or take them off or whatever…..
In closing I would like to ask you a question? Have you ever seen a POOL CLOSED sign inside an empty swimming pool that was surrounded by a fence. I did here in Vegas and I suppose it shouldn’t surprise me after all these years that the idea that someone here would scale a security fence walk past a sign at the Pools edge jump six to nine feet into an empty pool and somehow, if they weren’t unconscious or in a coma , not recognize the pool was closed until they saw the sign sitting in the bottom of pool. As I write this I am watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show ..for the first time..okay for the 53rd time and it strikes me that in its own PG 13 Corporate Disney kind of way Las Vegas is the Rocky Horror Picture Show of resort destinations, just as silly, just as decadent and just as brightly colored and just as memorable when you watch it with the right frame of mind. Not to mention that I have had a huge crush on all three of the starring female cast members in that show for decades and fantasies that I cant talk about even here.
Goodnight Janet, Goodnight Magenta, Goodnight Red, yeah you too Brad, Rocky and you Frankenfurter and all you unnamed freaks and further …..I’ve seen ooohhhh blue skies through tears in my eyes and I realize I’m going home ….”
Goodbye all from the City of Sin
Til Next Week
I love you all and may the Muse Bless your every waking and sleeping moment with the Sacred joy of all things silly and dark
Lost in Time and Lost in Space and meaning Caio