Organized Bummetry in the City of Sin

By Royal Hopper

It is a typical day on Las Vegas Boulevard and usual suspects, the crazies and drama queens, the hucksters, the hustlers and four headed fire breathing alien car salesman. chorus girls named Fred (okay I made that up) are out in force.

The City of Sin was full of cat lovers, dart throwers and professional bicycle riders this week. There is s joke in there somewhere.  Like the cat owner that was reunited with her prize red feline (whose name is with held to protect innocent cats all around the world …..) after several tense hours of searching a local hotel. The cat had bolted from the protected environs of it’s owners room and had been corralled by a cat herder down the hall. One guest lost her Pussy Cat and another found it.

A lone shoe left behind by the army of organized Bummetry -_ Photo Royal

Anyway there was one group of ner-do-wells huddled on one Sin City Street corner seems go unnoticed by the throngs of tourists parading down the boulevard except for the lady in the cut off Mickey Mouse Pajamas munching on a donut in the middle of the day in the middle of a busy driveway and the six year old dressed like Madonna holding her father’s hand as he stared at a working girl on her way across the intersection.

These suspicious characters look around suspiciously checking the surrounding Sin City terrain for the watchful eyes of Las Vegas’ finest and the ever present security guards that populate the casinos of Sin City and reach into the folds of their torn dirty shirts for their weapons of choice crafted pieces of cardboard with code words written on them for all to see and take heed of.
Time and time again throughout the week you would see this team of professionals exchange words and a brief looks of confidence and teamwork and “I got you back man,” attitude that comes from working as a team and go off in different directions. They seem to heading to different street corners those weapons of choice in their hands….. And the donut they stole from the old lady in the Micky Mouse pajamas as they separated.
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Is this group dangerous? Are they master criminals looking for a big score disguised as street people hmmm….are they a team of detectives working under cover in Sin City as residentially challenged corner sitters …. extras in the next Sin City movie drama maybe badly dressed smelly working girls with weapons of cardboard in their hands …No, no, no and no !!!!!

Homeless and Hungry an member of tghe Organized army of Bummetry _ Photo Royal

Obviously they have a plan.  Obviously up to something.  But they are not vampires or gangsters or bank robbers or undercover detectives. Words like poor and hungry need food and I kid you not to stupid to stell(steal) to ugly to be a hooker ….and I need beer money…are written across their cardboard weapons of choice.

More than likely they are simply one of the groups of Sin City panhandlers exercising the latest trend in charity seeking teamwork…like wearing your underwear on your head.

I call this new trend  in begging organized Bummetry. Think about. The crowds of Sin City panhandlers are organizing into groups for more efficient ways of working the crowds of Sin City tourists that populate the boulevard.

They have a plan these charity professionals and crowds of these highly organized panhandling specialist were seen high fiving after a team huddle on a Las Vegas Boulevard street corner this week

You might have watched warily as you saw this group of suspicious men gathered around a Las Vegas street corner taking advantage of the rare muggy overcast day in the desert to conceal their nefarious activities. A lot of things probably ran through your mind as you watched this team break their huddle and head for opposite corners of Sin City Highway.

You need not fear these soldiers of the street are probably just after the odd bills you have in your pocket or the sandwich you are chewing on or half empty beer you threw in the trash.

The new trend seems to be catching on.
Working girls seem to be cashing in on this new trend …By all reports groups of these pleasure princesses can be seen standing …in groups inside Sin City casinos loudly advertising their wares and I mean loudly…\

A musician in the organized army of Bummetry _ Photo Royal

“So babe you wanna strap one on.” one will say while a dozen more ladies of the evening egg her on and jeer at the target if they don’t want soecial attention

Can you say me love you long time….? I knew you could…..

Maybe we will see them at the Bummetry Workers Local picnic this fall.

Oh well such is life in the City of Sin

Take Care Sinners

Peace

Talking to your inner child while getting a massage _ Photo Royal

 Speaking to yourself in Riddles and rapping to Elvis in September

By Royal Hopper

Rain doesn’t stop the madness in the city of sin it just brings in indoors and makes the guy dressed as Big Bird wet.
It rained this week in the city of sin …I mean really rained wash your house away Dorothy watch out the cow is floating by rain.

Fresh Hot Pizza wooowhooo _ Photo Royal

“Mommy Mommy why is their falling from the sky. Did God leave his lawn sprinklers on…” seriously.

It is raining again
It rained okay. People freaked out for about an hour then realized they lived in the desert and in two days they would be complaining the dry air again, popped a Prozac and took a swig of Jack Daniels and it was okay man …okay …As I write this it is once again hot and clear and the talkers and the invisible friends they constantly complain to have returned in droves.

As the high season in Sin City winds down the traditional takers to invisible people are slowly giving way to a new trend in public talking to the invisible is slowly emerging. Some people, the more traditional kind of invisible talkers in this city simple talk to invisible friends. You hear them all the time talking away to people no one can see or hear.
“Leave me alone,” one was heard to say to an empty stretch of Sin City sidewalk and carpet…People generally did.

Dancing with yourself uuuhhhhuh 

Sometimes the fans of the invisible dance with them apparently often uninvited. One Sin City denizen swore up and down he was slapped silly by the invisible woman he had tried to dance with.
“Why are you being such a bitch..I just want to dance,” or something to that effect he said to the air.

Sometimes invoke their names when asking passerby for directions to Elvis’s new home     ( and no he isn’t pumping gas on Third Street he’s gone man) or when trying to decide how to make that next big bet.
“Fred man should I hold the queens or go for the inside straight?”

Can you see which one is talking to themselves..It is a trick question they all are…Photo Royal

I have heard people have entire conversations with slot machines begging for the jackpot and found them hugging machines and calling them pet names.
“Come on baby give me the triple 7s just once.”

Still others blame these invisible friends for bets they made and date gone horribly…”why didn’t you tell me she was a hooker man…or your holding queens and you throw them away to try and draw a 4 of hearts…you idiot…why did I listen to you” one man said to a stretch of carpet and stone.

The people you see looking up at the skyline or talking to the ground about leveraging options on lemon futures are probably doing business on their blackberries. Unless of course they are sitting half naked on they side walk in which case they are probably just nuts or stoned or both.

Whats that you say Fred..Stop taking to me people are looking..No they aren’t you hallucinating…yeah and …..Photo Royal

Cellular proliferation

With the sudden proliferation of hands free cell phones these days you can never tell who people are talking to when they suddenly start screaming at the air.  But there is one new trend in Sin City screaming at the air quirkiness that is very down to earth.

A lot of people who talk to invisible friends on the Boulevard seem to be rapping or reciting unusual poetry very loudly to music no one else can hear.

One gentleman sighted on the North end of Las Vegas Boulevard was angrily expressing himself in rhyme to an invisible audience. He was well enough dressed to be sure and clearly not homeless and didn’t have the look of lost wonderment you expect from tourist. He was practicing his rap for what he hopes will one day be a real audience.

One day all the invisible friends people are constantly invoking in this city are going to appear on the streets of this city all at once right by the Elvi who hang out midst rip throughout the summer.

Hold on a minute …what’s that you say ???? Hey I gotta go my invisible friends are telling me it is going to rain again….

Such is life in the City of Sin
Take Care Fellow Sinners

Rock On

Took this a couple of months ago. I just thought it looked cool _ Photo Roya Rock On

The Boulevard in the afternoon-Photo by Royal Hopper

The Comfort of Being Clueless

By Royal Hopper

Am to..are not ???? _ Photo by Royal Hopper

Sometimes being clueless  can be a comfort. This is especially true if you easy to notice and a bit strange.

You have to admire people who live so completely in their own world that reality seldom bursts the bubble of optimism and imagery they built around them.
There was a lady on Las Vegas Boulevard this week lets call her Sun Dress Daisy May for our purposes.
Daisy’s cart overflows with her collection by mid day. Stuffed into the metal cage cases, back packs and lunch boxes full cans and bottles lay beside her few meager possessions.
She stops and talks to someone with a backpack and eventually he gives her the backpack and the lunch box inside it and walks away.
When someone gives you their backpack and lunchbox just to get you away from them …it might pay to be clueless.

Foot Massage anybody? _ Photo by Royal

Two heavy green trash bags full of water bottles hang from the sides several more from the handlebars of the stainless steel mobile storage conveyance so common in the city.
There is other stuff a lot of it and the cart is heavy, 50 pounds of debris by the looks of it. Daisy has trouble maneuvering her down the twisted time worn sidewalks in the older part of town. It tilts points down hill and gets away from almost her.

Before she leaves Daisy talks to a few more people. She slurs here words when she talks. Its hard to tell if it’s a natural tick or Demon Jack has gotten the

better of her but the tick is impossible to hide…She wears what appears to be a cut off sun dress pink, orange and black print stuffed into a pair of Daisy Duke denim shorts an outfit out of fashion two decades ago when the clothes were like new. Her hair is dirty and her bright eyed her face shows the wear and tear of days spent stuffing a dirty Sun Dress into shorts she should have stopped wearing in 1992.
Even compassionate passersby have to stifle a giggle as she swings her hips trying to vamp male tourists into adding to her collection which they often do.

“Do you have a dollar?” She said as I approached.

“I’m broke darlin,” I said which was true at the time. I didn’t have dime in my pocket.

“Yeah me too…,” she said heaving and huffing as she wrestled her cart down the street swinging her hips like an Anjou and planting her feet when the incline of the sidewalk causes the 50 pounds of bottles and cans, and donations to obey gravity rather than their brightly dressed master.

Down the street from Daisy’s last foray more cat people cross the street.

I call them cat people because even the dumbest dog knows that when you are crossing the street it is stupid turn around when you are three quarters of the way across and run back to where you were and start over.
Apparently there are cats and people in this city who don’t get that.

Cityscape _ by Royal

A man with much more to lose than Daisy, lets call him clueless Cat Guy, committed that is an almost fatal flaw in this city. He bolted out into traffic to cross the street and when he was scant feet away from the relative safety of a pedestrian median he turned around looked both ways and bolted back toward the other side of the street.

Not only was he almost struck down by Sin City driver he looked really stupid doing it and looked even crazier than Daisy could manage .
He glanced at his new watch on one hand and his cell phone in the other and rolled his eyes at the drivers of the cars who almost hit him and let him know their displeasure at his catlike actions with the one finger salute. When the phone call that almost costs him his life was done he turned around and made ready to dart back across the Boulevard in the middle of traffic on a busy day.
If you spend your days say  pushing your shopping cart down the street swinging your hips like a exotic dancer as you collect empty water bottles and beer cans it can pay to be clueless.  Clueless is a clueless does …

Rock On Fellow Sinners
And look both ways before crossing the street at the cross walk.
Remember Clueless is as clueless does..

You cant look back…and you cant look back because its wrong or immoral..
You cant look back because its dangerous   and because it doesn’t make sense