Blankets, Wardrobe and Cold Weather in the City of Sin

By Royal Hopper

A young woman in bright red leather pumps stumbles a bit as she makes her way down Las Vegas Boulevard tripping over a piece of broken beer bottle and a lump of hardening bubble gum. Her hair is ruffled by the desert wind, her legs are bare from the thigh down and over her shoulders she wears a blanket as protection against the cool desert air..

Perhaps the brisk desert breeze is simply to cold for her delicate street walking sensibilities or perhaps she forgot her pants in the same place she picked up the shiny pink leather pumps she wears at the bottom of her long experienced legs..

It falls down to mid thigh and it is impossible to tell if she wears anything under the blanket_ but perhaps that mystery is part of her sales pitch.

What does she do for a living ???

Right ..she is a blanket salesman !!!

This fake Air Force 1 was at the Tropicana all last week _ Royal

Wardrobes matters in the City of Sin. This young woman could have been a lot of things but she looked like a hooker advertising her wares in the relative chill of the desert night air or a homeless stripper looking for a place to spend the night.

This blanket wearing walker on the Boulevard could have been a school teacher who tied one on at a teacher of the year awards dinner who just liked hot pink leather pumps with six inch heels or a, accountant who got her coat stolen while she was at church praying for the homeless or she could have been a street walking prostitute who was cold _ you decide.

Cool weather doesn’t change the City of Sin. Everybody here wears a uniform of some kind whether it is a cocktail dress or bright green blazers or a big bird costume and every visitor to this city will assume something and take actions based on what you wear.

The large man spotted in the expensive suit handing a small black package to an associate and saying “take care of this.. .my life is in here,” probably should have taken note of this fact.

First of all he might as well have said “please rob me. I have something very valuable in here.”

Nice suits ..big guys .. .. .. mysterious exchange of small black cases hmmmm .. They could just be football players putting their playbooks up for auction or Navy SEALS on a secret mission in Las Vegas but you know they are probably just businessmen who are going to get robbed.

That is life in the City of Sin
Keep warm Sinners See you soon
There is an old trick in the City of Sin played by con men. They put on a blazer and a name tag and walk around asking people if they want change for the $20 or $100 bill they have in their hand. Of course the cons leave with the money because they aren’t casino employees just dressed like one. They know people will see a certain kind of wardrobe and assume certain things about the people who wear them

guy in wheelchair 4 good

Hanging out on the Boulevard _ RMHopper

What Were They Thinking

By Hopper

A female figure steps out of an elevator in a Sin City Gambling House looks around to see if anybody notices her and uncomfortably takes not of the people watching her smooth her styled black hair and adjust the strap of her expensive bra and stuffs it beneath her name brand evening gown.

“She/He” wears blue eyeliner, red lipstick and has the one thing no other “woman” in the place can boast of _ five o clock shadow and the need for a reliable razor. She is clearly a he and her nervousness about being seen in all her/his glory is obvious and unneeded. If anybody in the place notices .no one says anything and no one seems to care.

“Oh a transvestite.. .. Hey look the Chargers are ahead by six. “What is for lunch.”

LVBD looking good _ RMHopper

LVBD looking good _ RMHopper

It goes without saying that people in the City of Sin have a thick skin when it comes to being shocked. It takes a lot to get a veteran Sinner to pay attention much less shock their jaded sensibilities. With out city full of dog owners this week

No body noticed the fashion impaired transvestite as he/she stood in the elevator lobby except the flamboyant couple who happened by with a pair of tequila sunrises in their hands.
“What was she thinking,” one of them said as they strode past with free dinner coupons in their hands.:”what was she thinking.”

Dressing like giant Anime characters even in the accepted traditions of your own gender will not get you as much attention in this city. Neither will the empathy generating cast Anime Jill wore on her hand especially as the seems to switch hands as you parade around waving to who ever will take notice.

In other places in other more enlightened towns people might be offended or gasp with outrage while others lined up to get an autograph.
People here in Sin City (Sinners for short) will wave back and quietly mutter to themselves black gym shoes and a blue socks with knee length black skirt .. .. what was she thinking.

cityscape 4

Every year the city is full of pretty well groomed tourists wearing pretty clothes who think they are hip. They stride down streets roadways and carpet filled hallways of the city of sin certain that their impeccably dressed over groomed asses are certain to attract the attention of every member of the opposite sex.

Their strutting attracts the attention of several “professionals” dressed in black who were soon filling the ears of these “Gucci wearing gentleman” with tales of their meaning the gentlemen’s prowess and good looks.

“What were they thinking,” said onlookers and several members of the establishments order keepers ushered the “professionals” out the establishments nearest door. I’m not sure if they were referring to the working girls or the Gucci guys the establishments order keepers had saved from being rolled.

people behind fence

People on the Street _ RMHopper

Lets also talk about disco Dave. The intoxicated and benighted gentleman who stopped in the entrance of one local establishment and broke out in a 70s inspired Dance moves and curled his 70s inspired mustache in a rye grin as the PA above him blasted out musical dance tunes whose copy write had long since expired.
The man danced his heart out with a rye smile until he realized the casino full of inebriated tourists and Sinners who were watching over them were neither clapping their hands in appreciation or laughing at the joke he was trying make.

Disco Dave finally stopped dancing when he realized the only man clapping for him was the drunken homeless guy likely just seconds from being asked to take a walk down the boulevard for the night.

“What was he thinking. I mean really dancing the Seattle hustle to Pearl Jam???” What a dork.”

Here in the City of Sin, colorful characters, good looking rich naiveties cross dressing extroverts well dressed villains and rebellious working girls in Slut rebel commando black are a dime a dozen. Others are outraged or surprised ..Us Sinners just yawn, roll their eyes and go to lunch at the $4.99 breakfast buffet down the street .
Life in the City of Sin brothers and sisters

Take care fellow Sinners

Sin City Cityscape _ Royal

Shuffles spies a weirdo or old and weird in Las Vegas

By Royal Hopper

The eyes of the tired old gambler ( lets call him Shuffles or old scary gambler guy if you want) widen with fright as he stands at a Sin City bus stop next to an off duty storm trooper picture poser and a slumbering drunken accountant soon to awake sober but without his vacation money wedding ring or gold watch, but with a business card from a dancer named Wild Cherry in his pocket.
Shuffles, shuffles across the gray expanse of Sin City sidewalk stepping over the flyers advertising exotic dancers named Chocolate Brownie, Vanilla Flake and Gina.. (Yeah I don’t really get it either) away from the object of his terror a shadowy figure visible through the perforated metal of the bus stop bench.

Four decades in the city of Sin have taken their toll and muttering under his breath he baby steps several more yards across the ancient beer soaked concrete shuffling his old travel worn feet as fast as they will go in his $10 Chuck Taylor “Tennis Shoes,”
He stops only briefly wheezing with the effort of walking the 9 feet to where the security guard whose attention he sought was standing at and attempts a clipped Sin City greeting.
“She is sitting in the chair saying all kinds of crazy stuff,” said the man pointing at a nearby bus stop where the outline of a female figure
The metal shrouded figure moves a bit staring at the pair through the many small round holes in the metal bench perhaps turning around to look at Shuffles as he approached the guard.
“That is county property,” replied the security guard squinting as he strained to hear the frail voice of the Sin City retiree. The guard was painfully aware of the fact that the man standing before him clothed in the patchwork wardrobe of logo bearing novelty item free giveaways could one day be him.
Shuffles, having seen his better days when disco was young and Wild Cherry was the name of a one hit wonder 70s Funk band and not the well used young woman in the leopard skin bikini and hip length shiny fake leather boots squinted with disapproval looking back to the bus stop as a blonde rent a cheerleader in a hand me down skating tights and a yellow tutu strolled up the stops metal bench.
“But she sitting there shaking and saying all kinds of crazy stuff,” he said. . . Shuffles sighed the sigh of the hopeless and shuffled slowly away to wait inside the casino for the next city bus to take the crazy woman who was gibbering to herself and shaking to the next bus stop.

Sometimes just waiting for the next bus is the only way to get away from people who are even weirder than you and your patchwork free giveaway logo that is your wardrobe and life your Star Wars costumes and your leopard skin bikini and leather boots.

What is the moral of this tale. I don’t have a damn idea except that maybe when crazy old people call you crazy and old maybe you are crazy and old.
So long fellow Sinner until next time

Rock on

A fitting decoration for a Sin City casino..The piper is calling you to blackjack and complimentary show tickets and showgirls named Bell etc etc ..Photo RMH III

A fitting decoration for a Sin City casino..The piper is calling you to ….to blackjack and complimentary show tickets and showgirls named Bell etc etc ..Photo RMH III

Telling stories and assorted mayhem in the City of Sin

By Royal Hopper

Old guys, and by old I mean anyone who remembers disco and ever owned a leisure suit, tend to tell a lot of stories.
I once had a homeless tell me a long story of woe about how he ended up asking for hand outs on the street and then ask me if he had gotten it right..
Southern men and redheads and former small town reporters especially tend to tell a lot of stories and some of them are even true.
As you may guess southern (well it is mostly gray and brown now but hey) red heads who used to work at a small town newspaper tend to tell a lot of stories..
“I saw a fish with two heads and boobs ..I am telling you it was nine feet long,” A bear chased me up a tree and ate me and I fought my way out of its stomach and still made it home it time for the Cowboys kick get the idea.. When I was 9-years-old me and a friend of mine once convinced the neighborhood girls that lettuce makes you pregnant.
“My sister still will not eat vegetables.”

We call it telling tall tales. No one is expected to believe these tales. They are told just for the glory, the mania of telling a good story.. . Tale telling is just the opposite from the form of story telling I practiced as a reporter. In the news facts are everything and the object is to tell the facts in an interesting dramatic manner. In tale telling facts are cool but sometimes only a distraction from the important duty of telling a good story.
One residentially challenged Sin City Sinner explained to me how he was actually wasn’t sleeping in his chair he was there to enjoy a little poker action and play pool in the week end tournament. The casino in question did not have poker room and had not for years. The pool tournament was months away.
Another Sin City patron I happened upon in my meanderings launched into a long story of why and how he had ended up standing all but naked on a Las Vegas street corner (not that I cared or wanted to know) .. . .he muttered on about something about losing his clothes in a poker game with aliens or politicians and being drugged by ET in the process.

He slurred his words occasionally making sense,  he explained why he was standing on a street corner in torn gym shorts and occasionally looking down the bottle in his hand as if not sure how it had gotten there.
He stopped suddenly as if remembering he was repeating himself and for several seconds looked like he was concentrating on a new story to tell before shrugging his shoulder and clearly giving up the bother of thinking and raising the lip of the bottle to his mouth. It was empty and he raised his arm as if to throw it on the sidewalk. Perhaps noticing the police officer just down the block approaching him in a patrol car he thought better of that idea and simply sat down on the sidewalk..

So I have to ask you what do you do when you are suddenly struck by storytellers mania in the middle of your tale and you realize you are repeating yourself .You have told this story before.You realize it before the people who are listening and still cannot stop yourself .
I actually did once chase a possum from under our house when we briefly lived in the country in those long ago hazy days of my late teens. I really did heft a brick at the thing to prevent it from biting my dog and it really did just blink and hiss at me.


Stories like that are good for one maybe two tellings and then you really need to move on.

As you may have guessed I started to tell this same story perhaps for the third or fourth time.and realized almost as soon as I had said the word possum but I could not stop myself man ..I could not stop.. Just like the coworker could stop himself from making the same joke about “a cement pond” and critters referring to the fact I am the only southerner on my the drunk who just could not come up with a good story for his condition people in this city _ the City of Sin _ sometimes get so caught up in the Sin City story telling that is part of the culture here they just cannot stop themselves.

Life goes on in the City of Sin _ a “working girl” hands out business cards to potential customers, a man found sleeping face down in a bathroom stall gets angry when he is told not to sleep face down in his own piss, some people spend fortunes others beg for gas money while the shopping carts full of his worldly possessions is parked on the Italian marble inside a Sin City casino and on and on and on..

Life in the City of Sin my friend
Take Care Sinners

PS I actually did see a fish with two heads once but it was in an aquarium and it was six inches long not nine feet and I hadn’t slept in two days..

I know most people are riveted to the news of bombing in Syria ..I wrote this two days before it started so I am going to just publish it and go back to watching the news..

Just walking along singing a song ….RMH

Two people functioning as a single social and romantic unit are a couple. The need to be part of this modern archetype is a hallmark of civilized _ one of its greatest strengths and most profound vulnerabilities.. When it fails when there is a break up it is the definition of existential pain. When it works .it is a truly uplifting life affirming experience

The tale of two couples

by Royal Hopper 

What the ???? RMH

Two men stand face to face on a small elevated walkway above a Sin City swimming pool at one of the city’s many Gambling Houses.
It is the middle of what passes for a peaceful night in the City of Sin and the two men are literally buckle to buckle backs straight and shoulders arched heads lowered grimacing with emotion and manly pride. They stand like two pit bulls growling at each other in the I am a man and I am going to smack you across the room posture men often take before attempting to smack each other across the room. It is clear to an experienced eye they have been drinking.
It is the middle of the night and for all appearances and the two men are arguing and clearly upset with each other.
A security guard mindful of his duty to keep the peace in the casino he works at approaches from a safe distance carefully putting the railing that separates the elevated walkway from the pool between him and the men as cover and maintaining the two second reaction gap he will need to defend himself if the men turn on him.

It is a routine call and the men would have to either leap the four foot tall fence and manage a seven foot drop or run 20 yards down a ramp and around the corner to get to the guard so he feels confident as he walks up to the men. He stops in front and to the side of the two men squaring off ask in that time honored casino security guard manner.
“Is everything all right gentlemen,” at once feeling both bold and a little silly.
“I am tired of your crap,” says one of the men and for a moment as the tow men look like they might attack each other the guard an old Sin City veteran regrets not calling for back up before approaching the quarreling gentleman.


“Fellas is there something going on here. Is everything all right. Can I help you with something?” the guard asks repeating the time honored security guard questions. Asking if you can help someone is a good non accusatory way of finding out what is going on without provoking a reaction from a customer.

There is no hesitation. One of the men, the larger of the two at more than six feet tall turns to the guard and says with tears in his eyes.
“The problem is he doesn’t care about me and never has,” he says.

The two men are a clearly couple. Thirty years ago that realization would have left this security guard flabbergasted, wide eyed and open mouthed with confused shock but after so many years in the City of Sin he simply asks the men to keep the peace and walks away without cracking smile. The couple continues to argue at a lower volume and eventually walks away to their domestic ire exhausted having not thrown a single blow or cursed at each other even once.

Earlier that same night, a mismatched couple, a woman barely five foot tall swings her heavy purse with all her might hitting her lover a hefty guy with a shaved head with it several times until police are called by security at a nearby casino.
A romantic triangle of three women resolves itself also without a single blow or curse one woman retiring to the emotional safety of her hotel room and the other two walking off hand in hand and arm in arm.. An older couple together for 30 years both rattle on likely saying the same thing to each other they have said for 30 years and both pretending to listen to the other as the ramble and vent and a man assist his drunken wife to their hotel room perhaps returning the favor she has so often bestowed on him.

Such is life in the City of Sin..
Take Care fellow Sinners

Rock on

Question: What do you say to someone who is so obnoxiously drunk his own best friend wants to knock him across the room ? ..stayed tuned

Even in Las Vegas people get bored _ Photo by Royal Hopper

A Half a bottle and the week in question

By Royal Hopper

“Oh look a car almost hit me ..Is that a half empty bottle of Budweiser I see,” White T-shirt homeland guy seemed to say as he stood unconcerned standing in the middle of an intersection during rush hour shift traffic on a street in a city where 40 percent of drivers are drunk or stoned at any given time.

On the way to work last week I saw this man who we shall call Crazy Homeless White T-shirt guy standing in the middle of the road, his pristine white T shirt in stark contrast to greasy hair and Jack Daniels tan. His six foot tall 120 pound frame stood as straight as an arrow cars zooming back and fourth around him around like angry two ton hornets.

Open Bar in Vegas really ???? Yes this is the City of Sin _ Photo by Royal

Just down the road another man dressed in the shorts and team jersey popular with the mainstream these days decided to simply sit down where he was. He sat by a newspaper rack unmoved by the throng of late night Sin City sight seers who “thronged” around him as he sat on the section of Sin City sidewalk he had claimed either to tired or to drunk to care people were watching him.

Even further an ordinary looking 50 something stood on the corner of a Sin City median showing off his middle-aged physique for all four of he observers standing on the corner nearby by and several early morning commuters who were to tired to comment or care.
“Look at me I am a middle-aged stud,” the shirtless posing middle -aged guy who we shall call shirtless middle-aged posing guy seemed to say _ “and it only took four cases of beer a day to look like this.”

Driving down the streets of any city in this country is like walking through a art gallery. If you don’t look closely at the canvas you are driving through it all blurs together like a really bad photo of a kids birthday party. If you really look around while you are driving

Cities are the same way. The individual pieces are easy to ignore. If you don’t look all you see is blotches of paint of paint on antique canvas, under paid security guards in uncomfortable uniforms and a sea of anonymous faces just as confused as you are.. But of you pay attention you will see all the mini melodrama going on right underneath your nose.

This is also Las Vegas _ Photo by Royal Hopper

What do you do when someone is so obnoxiously drunk his own best friend wants to punch him in the face ? I don’t man .I am still trying to figure that one out.
Jogger report:
This week is the official beginning of the scantily clad good looking jogger showing off their assets to onlookers part of the season. I am not sure how you manage to jog half a block with your bare bottom hanging out for all to see but hey such is life in the City of Sin..

Take Care Sinners

Rock on


Keeping order in the City of Sin _ Photo by Royal Hopper

Question a very nice older couple from Denmark comes to Las Vegas for a week what do they do ?

Stay tuned for the answer.

Zigging and zagging in the City of Sin

This regular Strip commuter rides his unusual  device down the Strip ;ate last week

This regular Strip commuter rides his unusual device down the Strip ;ate last week

By Royal Hopper

Sometimes working every day in a casino full of drunks, gamblers and assorted bad actors and hordes of talented people who spent years zigging when they should zagged seeing things like seven foot tall transvestite hookers, androgynous couples making out by the side of an empty swimming pool and middle aged men dressed like fashion impaired super heroes becomes so common that it fades from your mind almost as it occurs..

Like the man who fell off his bar stool.

“I’m good was all the intoxicated man sitting at the bar would say.”

What is your name Sir ? Answer: “I’m good.”

“Where are you staying?” Answer: “I’m good.”

“Why did you fall off your stool?” Answer: I’m good

“Do you know where you are???” Answer: I’m good

The abovementioned super hero fan strode through a local casino hauling his luggage dressed head to toe in pale blue green tights including head dress pale blue green boots and gloves and an orange mask hanging from his neck.

Larrypsychic ereadings

This week I also talked to a musician named Larry (lets leave it at that Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas and all that). Larry, now in his mid 60s explains back in the day he had a shot at fame and fortune. He was offered a cent and a half for every record sold that he played on by a studio executive an unheard of price for studio musicians in those days. Driven by bad advice he insisted on 25 cents a record and the executive stated they more than 500 guys like him on retainer walked out..

“It is probably a good thing I didn’t get rich and famous. You have no privacy,” Larry explains that he works for a living between gigs sometimes 12 hours a day and it is these wages that financed his trip to the City of Sin.
As he waits poolside for the Vegas hotel he has booked a room in to have a room available Larry explains he has played every end of the musical spectrum form country to rock. For awhile he was oldest white rapper in his musical community Larry says breaking into the rap that earned him the label Papa Rap.

Vegas is a City full of talented smart people who somehow zigged when they should have zagged. Larry can make a list of great gigs he has played and now famous musicians he has jammed with.

Former Guns and Roses “axman” Slash played on a band Larry was a member of he says. His band once went up against BB King for a gig and sold out many of the small arenas in southern California,

Those kinds of wrong turns is probably something the man who wandered around a casino stone drunk barely able to speak telling anyone who would listen he was missing $30,000 and was staying Jan Hammer who is incidentally the Czech composer who wrote the theme song for the original Miami Vice.

old guy in haiwaiin shirt taking a pic
The couple who only stopped in Vegas to rest for a couple of days and to give their RV a rest ended up selling personal possessions for gas money can also relate to.

Now as to what a nice respectable older couple from Denmark does???

Do they Listen to music?, take pictures of the Belagio fountain and other tourist sights?. Do they take in a few shows graze the urban landscape of cafes and restaurants ? Do they prowl the showrooms of Sin City looking for autographs of the lounge acts that populate the city.

No silly they spend all night drinking and gambling get drunk off their ass and finally get so drunk they need help getting back to their room to sleep their all nighter off.

This is after all the City of Sin.
Take Care Sinners
Rock on

Jogger Report
Jogging season has once again reared ugly well manicured head as day time temperatures finally drop below 100 degrees in the City of Sin..

Jogging season is a big event in this City. It is the precise moment in time when people suddenly assume everyone actually wants to see them trotting down the boulevard in their name brand running shorts and the temperatures dip low enough so they don’t pass out in the desert sun doing so. _ Jogging season.. Jogging season started with a bang this year in the City of Sin.

Well no actually it didn’t. It started with a man my age wearing $2,000 or so of Gucci jogging outfit actually stopping from time to time to allow people to take pictures of him. A meticulous hair cut and shoes that he wears once a week. The really hot female joggers show up much later in the season.

“Look at me you peasant I am a jogger,” this well dressed pedestrians seem to project as they pound the pavement down the man street of the country’s preeminent tourist town pretending they don’t want to be bothered.

Maybe they are afraid of being mugged for their $800 pink running shoes or Gucci running accessories who knows.

Chick sitting _ all Photos by Royal Hopper

Chick sitting _ all Photos by Royal Hopper

good city scape

Cityscape By Royal Hopper