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??????? You know I dont have a clue _ Photo by Royal

Two men stand side by side staring off into crowd of tourists thronging down a Sin City Boulevard. A song starts to play on a nearby PA.. The two men exchange knowing looks and cross their arms in preparation to do something..

What do the men do ??/Continue reading for the answer ..

The unity of line dancing or how to talk to a bikini clad nun

by Royal Hopper 

Next to Goofy and Cinderella and the Power Rangers stood a bikini clad nun
one of many street performers make a buck or two by posing for posing for pictures dressed in costumes of various sorts.

One of them lets call her Raven likes to wear black. Raven now in her mid 50s wears a bikini and a habit _ a two piece bathing suit complete with the black and white head coverings usually worn by women living in convents..

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Shopping for cameras can be exhausting Photo By Royal

She is in her own words a woman of many talents.. One of many picture posers on the Boulevard Raven took a few minutes last week to tell her story and give her natural Native American tan a break from the desert sun and maybe bum a few cigarettes.

As Raven chews the fat with those seeking shelter from the desert sun outside the casino more men have started to gather around our mystery strangers looking at our two original street urchins with suspicion as the group of men continue to gather looking at each other with suspicion as they do so.

Raven explains to listeners that she didn’t know she had to register with local authorities as an ex felon in order to work anywhere in Nevada. “When I was younger got into trouble a lot,” said Raven acknowledging she had four felonies on her record.

She attests she got arrested again when another street “performer” cursed at a child which is a big no no to her.
“Don’t curse at a child and don’t do it in front of me ..

“Then this bitch shook her **** in my face,” Raven said explaining how the fight that got her sent to jail started .

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another LV Cityscape

 

They took me to jail,” she said.

Out on the boulevard the groups of mystery men of various descriptions have at last begun to look at each in preparation of some premeditated action. Suddenly the music on the PA blaring from the nearby casino changes. Gone is the saccharin programmed rhythms of the 70s dance music. Now the plaintive cries of 80s rebels rockers blare from the casino and finally the men take action.

One begins to shake his arms and then his posterior the other moves his feet in rhythm with the music and all the men begin to shake their booties for passersby. They were dancing. It impromptu flash mob was strutting their stuff for tourists and locals alike. Two men one with a drink in his hand and one with raggedy clothes and obviously time on his hands continue to dance as the rest of the flash mob begins to dissipate.

That is life in the City of Sin

Take Care Sinners

Rock on

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Those damn tourists take all the good spots _ Photo by Royal

To giggle or not to giggle

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To giggle or not to giggle

By Royal Hopper 

When you see a man who has trouble standing up straight much less walking with any sense of rhythm bouncing across a casino floor like a inebriated teen aged turkey _ singing to himself and smiling like a prom night virgin do you smile or cringe ? Are you worried about offending or do you just want to join in????Image

 

Epic Thrift huh ????

When you see a greasy, dirty, raggedy man trying desperately to push all his worldly possessions gathered in a wobbly well worn, overloaded shopping cart across a busy street looking for all the world like giant two legged poodle that had been dipped in grimy engine oil staring at the angry motorists honking their horns at him as he stand sin the middle of the road do you laugh ????? The man looks like a character in a bad sitcom and stares at the honking motorists with clueless abandon. Do you laugh????

When spot a middle aged man on a custom Chopper style motorcycle sporting a polished silver Army style helmet and a smile as big as Denver looking for all the world like character from the old Archie comics..Do you laugh????

I saw all three this week but it was a brief conversation I had with Tom that sticks in my mind.

Tom the Englishman apologizes to nobody as he weaves across casino floor bobbing his head to dance tunes that were stale when Van Halen was still hot.
“I’m happy,” Tom explains to anyone who asks as he smiles and saunters toward his next game blackjack or keno.
Walking looks difficult for Tom but he seems to take joy in it and the music he loves. If Toms notices the people who tend to giggle at him as he bobs across sections of Sin City he doesn’t show it..

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Hmmmm Harry Potter on an afternoon walk _ Royal

“I haven’t spent that much money for the time I have been here,” he explains smiling as a new song begins to play on the nearby PA and bobbing his graying bald head to the 30 year old dance music he saunters away in his uncertain, twitchy gait toward more drinks, gaming and fun.

Giggle all you want Tom doesn’t notice.

Sometimes you see things that make you want to laugh and you know you shouldn’t. Did you ever consider the possibility many of these people like one gentleman from England _ lets call him Tom .. might not care ???? The shopping cart guy is far to lost. Tom the tourist is far to happy and secure in who he is and mid life Crisis guy with the shiny helmet and loud Chopper is far to much into recapturing his glory days to much care.

Smile and be yourself. Don’t cringe at the giggles of your fellow Sinners _ wear them like a badge of honor..
Tip of the week..
1) If you invite strangers into your hotel room lock up your valuables and ladies that includes you. If you get drunk and invite someone to your room you don’t know you are going to get rolled eventually and your expensive personals will be gone  _ count on it.

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Go ahead giggle _ Royal

That is life in the City of Sin
Rock on Sinners

Drinking Buddies

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The Devil made me do it …..

 

How many Sinners does it take to Change a Light Bulb ?
The Answer at the end of this blog..

by Royal Hopper 

“I need money for booze and prostitutes,” said the sign held by the man sitting down on the sidewalk on Las Vegas Boulevard Friday. He was ratty and dirty and his beard looked like the dirt in the bottom of a potted plant when it is full of old rotting plant parts but at least he was honest.
The man next to him was better dressed and kept trying to tell him something. It was as if he had something important to say but the effort was to much for him. After three tries his buddy gave up trying to talk and just handed him the last dregs of the beer he was holding. That is a drinking buddy brothers and sisters. Something everyone needs when they come to the City of Sin.

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This week we explore that most Vegas of modern myths the drinking buddy.
The Drinking buddy is not necessarily your best friend. It is quite simply someone who you trust enough to be blind drunk with. Someone who even if on that particular day hates your guts ..they will crack open a cold with you when and if you ask, and because you ask.
It is someone you trust to be with you when you are so blind drunk you propose to the restroom attendant and the bouncers dog..
Someone who will drop their Sunday gold game and trek across the City of Sin to pick uo the pair of shoes you left on the floor of somebody else’s room is a drinking buddy par excellence.
That is exactly what the three suburban princesses walking side by side were. The princess in the middle swayed back and forth clearly long since totally trashed and her two drinking buddies who were not so gone swayed with her to keep her erect/ They were pretending to be drunk so their friends would not look so silly.

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That is a drinking buddy.

It was a long week in the City of Sin. Dog lovers left after a week of canine misadventures and nasty surprises left for hotel porters ..There was a Latin music festival and a host usual characters..

Vegas is Vegas is Vegas. The more it changes the more it stays the same.

Answer to the question .How many Sinners does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: It depends on how much the tip is ..

Take Care Sinners

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Don’t laugh Parking is a serious thing in this city _ Photo by Royal 

 

Monster Truck Rallies and God Knows everything in the City of Sin

By Royal Hopper 

“God knows everything,” ..shouted the man standing on a Vegas street corner late last week. “ The end is coming and God knows what you are doing,” the man shouted into his industrial sized megaphone. According to this apocalyptic predictor Monster truck rallies like the one he was protesting were one of the things that will be destroyed in the coming apocalypse.
The last thing you expect to hear when you are driving down a Sin City road past a monster truck rally s a man with a megaphone shouting his head off about Jesus and the end of the world.
In some cities a man holding a sign and a megaphone dressed in black shouting about God and Jesus might have caused a scene. In Vegas he was barely noticed accept by the lady who was walking her dog who had to step around him and the cop pulling traffic duty a few yards away, who yawned and appeared bored out of his mind.
In Vegas even in the suburbs he was juts another drama queen with an agenda and a sign.
“Jesus loves you and he is going to destroy this evil place.” ._ I mean who doesn’t want to burn down the suburbs now and then..

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I guess he is the best value ???? Photo by Royal 

People holding signs and dressed in odd clothes are common sight here in Vegas.
We excel at being weird and trying to get your money. Born drama queens ..
Signs proclaiming the hunger of the holder or asking for help or proclaiming Ninjas have kidnapped their drug dealer and they needed money for Karate lessons to rescue them have become part of the landscape here. Locals for the most part barely notice them. I personally have been asked for my debt card, my shoes to buy food for someone’s kids who were either conspicuously absent or all looked to be in their 30s

One of Sin City’s ubiquitous sign holding panhandlers had set up shop just down the road from the Monster Truck rally. His sign asked not for money or food ..it asked for tickets.
The man held a sign that read “I need tickets.” seriously.Image

Woohoo _ Photo by Royal

He must have felt the megaphone guy was stealing his thunder because even the sign holding I need tickets guy rolled his eyes at the Tshirt clad megaphone guy.

Picture this you come to Vegas. You party and you fly back home. The only thing is you left your car in a parking garage somewhere and don’t remember which garage, which casino are not even sure you left it in Las Vegas..

Also if you left your wallet with a girl named November Rain two weeks ago and you are just realizing it._ dude the wallet is gone and if iImage

Dude seriously I am right here _ Photo by Royal 

 

you just now remembered it was missing ..write it off to a good time and move on _

 

This week pool players who like to drink, dog owners who don’t pick up poo, and lots of people from countries I cannot pronounce and a Boys to Men cover band from Australia visited the City of Sin. Darth Vader, Snow White and Hello Kitty were everywhere.
The crazy season has come to the City of Sin and it isn’t even May Yet and when us Sinners see such weirdness we yawn and wait for the light to change.

That is life in the City of Sin.

Rock On Sinners

Temporary Irishmen invade Sin City or Dude looks like a Lady

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Is that a baby…a puppy …or a bottle he has in there ????_ Photo by Royal

Temporary Irishmen invade Sin City or Dude looks like a Lady

By Royal Hopper

I am driving down the road today and I see a pair of hot pants crossing the road . Inside the hot pants are a pair of meticulously shaved legs leading gown to a pair pf practical but elegant leather pumps. In contrast to the elegant ladylike lower half the upper half of this hot pants machine was clad in a black suit jacket. A gray felt top hat with a cat face painted on the front topped off this picture of bizarre femininity and on its face eye makeup and a beard.

Yeah man .It was dude and Rue Paul he wasn’t. The dude was a butch cross dresser and proud.

Striding across the intersection drinking in the stares that followed him/her this cross dressing residentially challenged diva staked out a place on the sidewalk in front of the convenience store I was driving to and struck an runway pose inviting, welcoming the looks and smiles he saw on the faces of gawking onlookers.
He was still posing cabaret style with one shaved slightly bent and slightly in front of him when my daughter walked out of the Circle K bearing the soda I brought her there to get . He stopped and looked at us out of the corner of his eye making sure his good side was too us in case we decoded to take a picture.

Rock on cress dressing dude I don’t even know what to say but you are unique and unafraid. Weird and tragic to be sure but unique and unafraid.

You do need a shave or a decent razor but hey nobody is perfect. Not even bearded cross dressing hot pants wearing weird dudes.

This week the City of Sin filled thousands of temporary Irishmen flocking to the Sin City neon jungle to celebrate that uniquely Irish reason to drink more than you should and drag the ugly bright green novelty tshirt your grandma gave you for your birthday out of the closet. Two of this weeks celebrators were actually Irish.
Their secret drinking place in a closed swimming pool cabana uncovered the three fine Irishmen moved on the better drinking spots on the street outside.

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One of many temporary Irishmen invading Sin City Monday for St. Patrick’s Day mingles with passerby on a Sin City roadway _ Photo by Royal

Now for this weeks lesson
For the last time. Do not give your credit card information out over the phone when you are in Las Vegas
There are times in this town when you just want to scream. . Go back to Smallsville Clark Kent Vegas is going to eat you and I don’t want to clean up the mess.
No hotel worth a crap will ask you to give credit card information over the phone or insist you pile out of your hotel room in the middle of the night. They likely either want to steal your credit card info or steal your wallet while you are not in the room. Let me repeat .DO NOT GIVE YOUR CREDIT CARD INFORMATION OUT OVER THE PHONE WHILE YOU ARE IN VEGAS..

.and for the last time when you take a “nice girl you just met,” to your room and wake up a few hours later sans wallet and assorted electronics don’t tell the security professionals you are reporting the crime to .“I told her several times I don’t want to have sex .go away but she followed you anyway..Chances are they know you are full of it .and chances are they don’t really give rat’s ass anyway ..

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seriously _ Photo by Royal

No matter how many times us more streetwise Sinners tell visitors to the City of Sin not to do certain things they always do them and likely always will ..

Driving down the back roads of Sin City you see a lot.You see conventioneers pouring toward a hurried, overpriced , best forgotten lunch ..you see two homeless people engaged in a heated bargaining session over items in their shopping carts. There are street performers and families and four versions of Elvis.
That’s life in Sin City

Spring is here Sinners. Let the Circus begin
Rock On

The can made me angry

The can made me angry

by Royal Hopper

Anger can be a useful tool. Anger can be useful tool in fighting injustice, raising morale in military units and sometimes, sometimes it can be a useful tool in venting the frustration on aluminum cans that are lying on the ground because you threw them there.
“Damn cans.”

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Damn cans _ Photo by Royal

As I pulled onto Las Vegas Boulevard late last week I spied a Sin City denizen venting his frustration on those damn aluminum cans. I spied him stumbling down the boulevard aluminum can in one hand _ medium waxed paper drink cup in the other. Suddenly as if struck by a great epiphany he stopped and looked at the two items in his hands. He looked back and forth between to two beverages as if weighing their individual worth and then suddenly threw the can on the ground and attempted to step on it missing by a scant six inches or so. Growing angrier at the can perhaps because of his bad aim he stumbled back a few steps and threw his entire weight behind a mighty stomp crushing the empty beer can like the mighty sidewalk warrior he was.

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Fashion Conscious storm troopers??? Photo by Royal

The can was crushed flat as a lumpy pancake but the sidewalk warrior was not satisfied. He stumbled back another three steps and threw all his ethanol enhanced strength behind another mighty stomp and stepped back to look at his handiwork.
Still not satisfied he stepped on the can and then stepped on it again and again and again. Finally satisfied he had punished the can enough he picked it up to examine it and then as if it had laughed at him somehow threw it to the ground and stepped on it again. As the light changed and I drove away he was carrying the can down the sidewalk as he stumbled his way down Las Vegas Boulevard suddenly stopping to look at the paper cup in his hand as I drove put of sight.

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Vegas sidewalk late afternoon _ Photo by Royal

A little later I found out that apparently that what happens in Vegas doesn’t really stay in Vegas. God knows what goes on in Las Vegas and brother the end is coming . Or at least the stoplight. Those very words blared out of a brightly painted SUV as it cruised down Las Vegas Boulevard Sunday.. “The end is coming,” blared the loud speaker barely making itself heard over the plaintive, bipolar rhythms of the Grunge Metal classic playing on the overheard PA the screams of winning craps players shouting to the winds and their fellow gamblers about the $40 jackpot they just scored after only spending $35.

The end is coming..
Doesn’t that just make you angry..I mean seriously. “Nirvana on the PA..” I’m depressed.

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Press for the Prize. It’s Vegas Baby you know it _ Photo by Royal

Such is life in the City of Sin
Rock on Sinners

The End

Your in Las Vegas and you see three Elvi marching down the street one old , one young one holding a woman’s hand  and one fat walking down the sidewalk side by side among a sea of safety vests, hardhat wearing working men marching down a Sin City roadway.

Is it ????
A. The beginning of a  really dirty joke
B. A Village People Reunion tour ….or
C. A new street gang the recruits only white men over 30-years-of-age

The answer is …No
No It’s just Vegas baby It was shift change as a local construction site and three street performers walking to lunch with their wives……It is an every day thing…Thats is how my week ended. here is how it started…. 

Well you get the idea. This part of the Neon Jungle lights up periodically through the day – Photo by Royal

Stepping back in time and the birth of Disgrungapunckle Rap

By Royal Hopper

When approached by a casino security guard patrolling the outside of that gambling house..a  bedraggled dumpster diving, sidewalk sleeping Sin City denizen  fished a business card out of his ragged much used brown leather wallet.
“This is my badge,” said the man confidently holding up a card likely plucked from the trash he had gotten his last drink from. The man wasn’t dirty …not a street person by any means just really lost in his own world.
Later when engaged in further conversation the man revealed that someone had taken his badge. His badge was a business card with a small portrait photograph hastily placed in the corner of the business card and held in place by the plastic pocket of the wallet it was kept in. The picture had been moved slightly in the process and so now was no longer an LA PD badge just an old business card and one inch tall ID photograph cut from school pictures perhaps……
“Someone stole my badge,” he explained peering over the counter his childlike 5 foot 3 inch frame straining with the effort of remaining calm his face beaming with the genuine belief he was an LA PD undercover on duty in Vegas and he had lost his badge.
“Right on,“ man . If it gets you through the day my man …right on. Just don’t arrest anybody. There is a lot of paperwork involved and you don’t want that messing up your UC operation do you? What does it mean. Not a damn thing…It was just a funny story….

You have to admire the work ethic of a man who carries a sign requesting money in one of Sin City few and far between rainy days – Photo by Royal

 The rain and stepping back in Fashion and Time

The wet weather that plagued the desert in the City of Sin this week didn’t stop the Sin City Denizens from coming out in force…Proving their work ethic is nothing to laugh at the desperate who go through the trash on LVBD were still out in force. One who had gotten ahold of a raincoat somehow ignored both the rain and passersby as he sorted through the days refuse.

What did I see this week among the rain,  the sea of vacationing tourists and crazies and people living in a world of their own creation? What did I see that has gotten me in such a tizzy? What did I see???? What did I see????

I saw a young man wearing a leisure suit for God’s sake….
I could hardly believe my eyes as I stepped out of the smoky processed air of a local casino to breath in the first truly warm air of the new spring. There it was like I was 12 again, It was 1974 and I was posing for a family picture clad in the bright green polyester glory of the lost decade.

Prate Girl looks over her fans – Photo by Royal

 This leisure suit guy was not alone. I and witnessed a sea of anachronism s floating across the neon landscape of the City of Sin that day.
Scattered among the pairs of pink running shoes, blue tooth bearing divas,   I saw another with a shaggy unkempt fro and another sporting a Mohawk wearing a Ramones live in concert shirt and another with a Bee Gees Live at Wimberley Stadium T-shirt  ….and yet another  aaaahhhhh…..I mean …aahhhhhhh
A little later and further down the strip I saw I saw a good looking woman with long straight hair and fake rabbit fur coat..over her Nirvana Live T-shirt….and huge puffy hair …..ahhhhh

 

Disgrungapunckle

For a second I truly believed they whoever they are had somehow brought the 70s 80s and 90s together and have brought them together in one huge fashion deprived musical and social movement we can call Disgrungapunkles.

There was a disgrungapunckler standing on a Sin City Street corner sporting a leisure suit jacket, a badly cut Mohawk under a faded Sound Garden CD case hung around his neck like a rap medallion and dirty scared cotton scrawled T-shirt portrait  of Johnny Ramone peering out from under this montage of the decades.

Guess_-Photo by Royal

Then I blinked and realized in a moment…It’s just Vegas man…It is just Vegas……

That’s life in the City of Sin
Rock on Sinners

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A rainy Day drive -