Sin City is for Grown Ups _ Royal Hopper

Sin City is for Grown Ups _ Royal Hopper

Sin City is for grown ups

By Royal Hopper

When does a man is so intoxicated he begins citing Gandhi as his reason for being drunk off his ass in a Sin City casino.
When this ethanol enhanced philosopher talks endlessly about the inevitable mortality of man and his desire to be with a tall young African American Woman before he leaves the City of Sin as he is escorted to his room in the upper reaches of a Sin City hotel.

On another sultry December day in the City of Sin a child hard of hearing and mentally challenged is found wandering the hallways of a Sin City gambling house alone having slipped out of his room while his parents were sleeping or absent.

In another a young woman is found lying in a hallway so intoxicated that the only name she can give to first responders dispatched to help her is the name of a third world dictator repeated over and over again.trop shot good

The city of Sin is a place for adults. The legal activities of drinking and gambling and staring at scantily clad women is easy to come by and by law only for adults.
The illegal activities offered by the various criminal professionals in the city ie the paid company of an active sex worker or private dancer a dose of illegal intoxicants or the purchase of illegal and often stolen goods of various usefulness is equally an adult activity unless you have permission from the president written on a piece of scrap paper as one intoxicated gambler insisted he had obtained prior to attempting to secure the services of a lady of the evening.

The bottom line is simply this. Vegas is for grown ups and it doesn’t suffer fools lightly.

As the third week of December 2014 winds down and the Goat Roping denizens of the NFR began to leave the City of Sin the Sin City saga continues as it always has.

The question you are asking is central to understanding the holiday season in Sin City. What do you call days like this ? What do you call days with Gandhi quoting gamblers utter while intoxicated, babies are found wandering the hallways of a Sin City casino and young women with a life of promise ahead of them get so drunk they cant stand up and name third world dictators as their family patriarch ??

Christmas Time in Sin City _ Royal Hopper

Christmas Time in Sin City _ Royal Hopper

There is only one thing we here in the City of Sin call such an event. There is one label us Sinners put on such happenings.

We call it Thursday. .

That’s life in the City of Sin Brothers and Sisters
Take care fellow Sinners

Rudolph in the City of Sin _ Royal Hopper

Rudolph in the City of Sin _ Royal Hopper

before dawn in the City if Sin _ Royal Hopper

before dawn in the City if Sin _ Royal Hopper

Men with Big Hats invade The City of Sin

Question of the week?? What do you call people who take a mentally challenged man to a casino in Las Vegas and leave him alone for hours until hotel security calls the police to help him.. I cant say, but I was hoping for suggestions.

The City of Sin at Night _ Photo by Royal Hopper

The City of Sin at Night _ Photo by Royal Hopper

Men with Big Hats and bulges in their cheeks invaded the City of Sin.

by Royal Hopper 

Vegas was full of Goat ropers, bull riders and shit kickers this week. No it was not the 80s revival band you have heard of burning up the late night Vegas lounge circuit. No it wasn’t the guy spent in the pink hoodie who spent several days on the boulevard asking people for change for a $20 while holding a dirty candy wrapper in his hand.
The rodeo was in town. The Jack Daniels flowed like ice water at a Baptist Picnic, working girls with generous helpings of silicon attached to rented bodies were everywhere. People drank, gambled and stayed up all night . In other words it was exactly like any other week in Sin City except with 180,000 big hats and pairs of pointy toed boots.

Circus Circus ..hey the light was right so I took the shot _ Royal Hopper

Circus Circus ..hey the light was right so I took the shot _ Royal Hopper

“Good evening Maam” one said to me. Keep in mind I am 52-year old native Texan , with a receding hairline and a goatee and I wear a pair of laceless Doc Martin knock offs sometimes called Beetle boots to work. I could not pass for female with a team of costume experts and a free plane ticket to Denmark. Now that is to much Jack Daniels my friend _ way to much.

They also talked funny but fortunately as a native Texan I speak Goat Roper fluently and when a cocktail waitress asked me to translate

“Thank You Maam,” said the tall ten gallon hat wearing bull rider as he walked away. I think he was talking to the waitress. I think.

Now lets move on to fine dining nd collecting scrap metal in the City of Sin.
.
You have to admire a man who takes pride in his profession even if that profession is scavenger and his workplace is a seven mile stretch of trash cans filled with the remains of a night of Sin City style celebrations..

Blue Man group _ Royal Hopper

Blue Man group _ Royal Hopper

It was the week after Thanksgiving and Trash Can man was back at it patrolling the boulevard for aluminum leftovers and the occasional unfinished beer. He is unrepentant and uncaring of the stares he draws.

He picks out the prime aluminum prizes for resale from then trash receptacles he peruses occasionally taking a swing from a mostly intact beer and a bite from a mostly intact hamburger or burrito. He moved from can to can looking for all the world like a Rummage sale Santa Claus with two huge trash bags slung across his back as he men dressed like Elvis pass by him looking at their watches and keeping time to the disco blaring from the PA nearby.

A cowboy walking, perhaps from his weekly bout with 500 pounds of bovine hamburger takes the last sip from his beer and after three tries at taking one more sip finally realizes the beer is empty. He spies the can collecting man and extends his arm toward the can collecting man with the empty beer can in hand. Can collecting man takes the can weighing it in his expert can collecting hand then stuffs it in his bag of goodies.

Right on trash can man .stay proud and stay warm keep on carrying your bags of trash like they are choice entrees at a local café.

That is life in he City of Sin

Take Care fellow Sinners

Rock the World and work to be proud of who you are

cityscape

Thanksgiving is for Sinners

by Royal Hopper 

The pregnant woman behind the counter smiles as she looks across the counter one hand on her sizable baby carrying midsection the other on the cash register she is manning..
All around her people are dropping quarters in slot machines winking at cocktail waitresses and arguing with their spouses
It is Sin City Steakhouse the week of Thanksgiving and this is one of the most normal places in this city.

Morning at the Caesars Palace fountain

Morning at the Caesars Palace fountain

ceasars fountian sunrise

In another Sin City locale and hotel patrons heaves a bottle full of beer threw an open window across a deck where people walk into a swimming pool. He is curious as to why people are angry at him. In yet another part of Sin City a man decides walking to restroom is simply to much effort and simply pulls his manhood out of the cheap sweat suit it rests in a pees on the slot machine in front of him. Class.to be sure.
Even in the City of Sin there are Island of sanity of banal, ordinary functionality. There are few out of the way places where the normalness of the rest of the world impinges on the unique weirdness of the City of Sin. All this week while some people paraded their kids past casino bars and working girls named Brandi Snow Bunny others did find the small normal spots of real life that exist in this ever so weird city..

In a wonderfully boring little House of Gambling called the Longhorn my wife and I and our teenaged daughter sat down for a long deserved steak dinner. To people who grew up in certain cultures red meat and potatoes is an addiction like whisky or cocaine _ you never really give it up .. . . . you are always an alcoholic, a coke head _ a meat eater.. . .

“Forget the wallet buddy give me that two for one steak dinner coupon now or its curtains.” Once a casino I worked at found the wallet of a very nice Indian man who looked very puzzled when casino security returned his wallet to him..
“I had $50.00 and some English pounds and credit cards ( I don’t remember how many but there were several) and all they took were my comps for the steakhouse and my Hamburger House coupons.”

Early to Rise early to Rock _ Royal

Early to Rise early to Rock _ Royal

Last week at that restaurant was a wonderfully boring, banal experience. There were old people eating together and none of them wore thongs. Nobody tried to sell us anything and nobody I could see had received plastic surgery or dressed like cartoon characters or Elvis.

Thanksgiving Day I was back at work enjoying the hyperactive wierdness of the City of Sin at its best. Six foot tall transvestites strutted around a Sin City casino, cab drivers struggled with white bread simplified and unconscious from a night of drinking and likely chemical friendship. Parents park their toddlers in front slot machines and watch in amusement as their beloved rug rats attempt to shovel dollar bills into the one armed bandits. A pair of Aussie revelers were mugged on the Boulevard.

Thanksgiving tends to bring out the boring in even the most jaded of Sin City Sinners. It is a temporary escape from the City we love but sometimes don’t really understand. For a day we become like the man who sat down alone in a Sin City Steakhouse and spoke softly to himself for several minutes in a foreign language before asking if the establishment had any translators on staff.

Back at the Café a man eats alone. People say it is sad to drink alone. It means you are an alcoholic and have no one to drink with. So tell me what exactly does it mean when a gambler uses the points they earned doing it sit down to eat alone in a café and spends the entire time staring at people who are there with other people and complains when there are no translators on staff in perfect text book English. Hey _ its Vegas _ it is as normal as it gets.

That is life in the City of Sin

Happy belated Thanksgiving Fellow Sinners

Take care and watch your walletsguy at gateski lift 2snow blower 3

caring for the land overlook 6

Hanging out on the Boulevard an unknown crew hangs out in the chilly desert weather _ Photo by Royal

Hanging out on the Boulevard an unknown crew hangs out in the chilly desert weather _ Photo by Royal

Disco Dancing in the City of Sin

By Royal Hopper

Disco is apparently making a come back on the sidewalks of the City of Sin. Say it isn’t so sinners, say it isn’t so. Or should I break out the old leisure suits, platforms and bright rayon print button ups . .. . . . Should I ????

Crossing the street in the City of Sin - Photo by Royal

Crossing the street in the City of Sin – Photo by Royal

It is a rare day in the City of Sin, cold muggy and miserable, coats that haven’t been worn in months are dusted off and wrapped around freezing bodies and heaters that smell like burning mold and dust and turned on after months of disuse.

One gentleman ( lets call him Disco Bob) sporting a Mohawk and a tightly trimmed “kiss my ass” goatee, a spring polo and a pair of light cotton slacks better suited to April than November seems oblivious to the winter cold as he bebops down the boulevard skipping and strutting to variety of 70s dance tunes known collectively as Disco and the plaintive balladeers of that movement the infamous BeeGees.

This modern day polo wearing Disco Viking strides boldly down Las Vegas Boulevard toward a lonely bus stop were three Sin City commuters are waiting for the bus bouncing to the beat of the 70s dance music blaring from one of the strips more ancient casinos nearby as the Bee Gees plaintive dance ballads proclaiming Stayin’ Alive is good and glory to all leisure suits.

Disco Bob saunters up to a Sin City bus stop sauntering up in disco dance mode to the crowd huddled together behind the perforated metal of the bus stop bench and stopping in front of the small crowd as the soft superficial sounds of disco Divo ( the male version of Diva) Andy Gibb’s disco classic “Shadow Dancing” fills the chilled desert night.

Cityscape LVBLVD - Photo by Royal

Cityscape LVBLVD – Photo by Royal

Disco Bob begins bobbing his head doing his best Andy Gibb imitation as he breaks into a passionate solo version of the LA Hustle and soon is shaking his bootie for the three strangers ( or perhaps horrified family members) look on with mystified abhorrence.

Finally the song draws to an end as the bus pulls up to the stop and suddenly Disco Bob and his audience are gone perhaps having fled to safer areas of Sin City away from disco dancing public transit commuters or perhaps to get their inebriated family member somewhere away from the Bee Gees, Andy Gibb and the other evil temptations of the city without a conscious or taste.

What does it mean ?? I don’t have the foggiest idea. Las Vegas is a city full of people who come to be noticed and usually end up being just another face in the Disco themed crowd.

self explanatory ..Vegas is a weird combination of Disney Land and a New Orleans riverboat _ Photo by Royal

self explanatory ..Vegas is a weird combination of Disney Land and a New Orleans riverboat _ Photo by Royal

A man stands on his balcony half dressed and shouts woo hoo, another man displays his assets for all to see, in another a tough guy stares on in amazement as a wandering beggar steals a sip of diet coke from the cup on his table and working girl named Sue walks out the door with a man’s wallet in her hand. . .

Such is life in the City of Sin
Take care fellow Sinners

Because it is Cool - Photo by Royal

Because it is Cool – Photo by Royal

Hanging out on the strip _ Royal Hopper

Hanging out on the strip _ Royal Hopper

Every week people leave money and luggage and valuables lying in plain sight while they use the restroom or eat lunch or have their forth $2 shot of whiskey and are surprised when it is gone when they get back and are offended when the casino full of thousands of drunken gamblers somehow does not shut down it outrage. Every year working men and women vote republican. I don’t get it..

Jaywalking in Sin City

by Royal Hopper 

A man in a white T-shirt stumbles unsteadily into traffic on Las Vegas Boulevard looking both ways as he reaches the middle of the northbound lane and stumbles drunkenly to a stop. The man,  lets call him DDJ (Dumbass Drunk Jaywalker) appears to suddenly realize ..that he is in the middle of the road .he is in Las Vegas,  there is a car coming from both directions and a fence across the road he is trying to cross.

Jaywalking in Sin City is a lot like running through pack of hungry dogs with a bucket of chicken strapped to your chest or betting your rent money on a hard eight. It is risky and kind of stupid.

Perhaps for the same reason people visit this wonderfully dysfunctional city time and time again after it has repeated smacked them on the nose like misbehaving poodle caught drinking from the toilet is people who are here do the same bizarre things over and over again.

by Royal

by Royal

No matter how many times they are told someone always ends up missing their wallet after a rendezvous with a chick they met in a bar ten minutes before..who told them to taker a shower or have a taste of their spiked fizzy grape juice before the rendezvous.
“She seemed like a nice girl,” said so many older guys who for ten minutes seem to always believe the beautiful young girl offering to sleep with them for rent money was somehow not a hooker and would never dream of stealing their stuff while they were unconscious or in the shower.

Every week people leave money and luggage and valuables lying in plain sight while they use the restroom or eat lunch or have their forth $2 shot of whiskey and are surprised when it is gone when they get back and are offended when the casino full of thousands of drunken gamblers somehow does not shut down it outrage. Every year working men and women vote republican. I don’t get it..

peek a boo _ Royal

peek a boo _ Royal

Jaywalking in the City of Sin is a little like that. It is always a little silly in any major city and especially stupid in Las Vegas. Chances are some drunken idiot is going to spot you jaywalking and speed up or maybe he will not spot you until he is ten miles down the road and notices his beat up Toyota is pulling to the left for some reason.
“Oh look there is a tourist under my bumper. How did that happen?”

Every year several people are run over while crossing the street in other words while jaywalking>>> but every night on my way to work I see drunken or impatient or naïve tourists and locals alike jogging across a busy Sin City intersection in a haphazard pattern oblivious to the proximity of their likely demise.

What about our above Jaywalker who dashed into traffic with a traffic light controlled cross walk just 30 years down the road. Fortunately this idiot it was a slow night in the City of Sin. He dashed forward into the intersection, stopped just short of running into the tall metal fence that divided the boulevard in that section of the City. Perhaps realizing his mistake he

King of Drama and Comedy and Lord of Decadence, Master of the Mardis Gras. Fred I think is his name _ Royal

King of Drama and Comedy and Lord of Decadence, Master of the Mardis Gras. Fred I think is his name _ Royal

stumbled and turned on a dime and dashed into the cross walk where he should have been in the first place and where the light was just staring to turn to protect pedestrians crossing the street. Two heavy commuters cars sped through the intersection and the one that was bearing down on him stopped for the light and the Jaywalker jogged lightly across the street saving a good 20 seconds or so in his haste and only being struck by traffic two or three times. Hurray for him..

That is life in the City of Sin Fellow Sinners
Take Care

cool background

Psychic Reader the perfect Las Vegas business _ Royal

Psychic Reader the perfect Las Vegas business _ Royal

In honor of the weirdest week in one of the weirdest Cities in this country in a very long time I have written a poem in lieu of this weeks blog.

From the woman who had enough of her husbands BS and knocked him nearly out to the Halloween Angel who advertised her services to a crew of angry Dwarfs with her family just out of earshot. . .. . ..to the thief who was seen stealing pieces of Halloween costumes for .work??????? It was a long long week. Here is this weeks Halloween missive. This missive is dedicated to the drug dealer who rented a room with a phony credit card at a local hotel and then filled it with his crack smoking customers… It is dedicated to the host of Goobers from all the benighted parts of the world who shout with indignation when the “nice” girl they met at the bar stole their wallet while they were sleeping off the GHB she slipped in their grape juice. . . . and it is dedicated to the man who replied what costume when he was complimented on his Elvis get up

No this is not a ghost in the morning glow. It is a tourists looking at rack full of advertisements for girls named Cherry Pie..Scary stuff huh _ Royal

No this is not a ghost in the morning glow. It is a tourists looking at rack full of advertisements for girls named Cherry Pie..Scary stuff huh _ Royal

All Hallows Eve in the City of Sin or Samhaign, slots. Sluts, Sin and Sloe Gin Fizz in the City full of Sinners

By Royal Hopper
Little boy blue come blow your horn the tourists are dressing like freaks that true

Little Bo Peep is dressed in blue too

Bwuhahah haha ha haha  RIP Baby _ Royal

Bwuhahah haha ha haha
RIP Baby _ Royal

Elvis is passing out flyers on the street

And Wookies dancing nearby are keeping the beat

Its Sin City baby and Halloween too

Little Bo Peep might blow your horn

And little Buy Blue might too

Linq sign ...Royal

Linq sign …Royal

In one corner pirates and another one bats

In one corner witches and a woman called Cat __ flirt

In one corner grandma is throwing a fit

A perverted Darth Vader is lifting her skirt

Two for one the female Darth Vader said in a shout

The crowd jeers and cheers when security hauls her out

Miracle Mile - Royal

Miracle Mile – Royal

And smiles when grandma gives She-Darth a hit

The crowd gathered cheers as security tells grandma “git”

It is Sin City grandma get over it

Happy Halloween Sinners

Until next year

The City of Sin at Night

The City of Sin at Night

Swearing at machines and its February man

by Royal Hopper 

A man wearing a pony tail and salt and pepper hair styled in a manner people in 1979 would be familiar with curses loudly as he stares at the face on the machine in front of him and makes veiled threats of beating the crap out of it if it doesn’t give him his money.

Two shopping carts passing in the night ....Photo by Royal

Two shopping carts passing in the night ….Photo by Royal

When the face does not reply he pauses shakes a fist at the face and then reaches in his pocket _ _ _ for another quarter because the face he is threatening is the front face on the slot machine he is playing.

In another part of the City of Sin an intoxicated man and his boyfriend are approached by the order keepers of one of the cities casino order keepers. “What day of the week is it?” asks one of the order keepers..
“February,” replies the man.

Slot machines are simple things .You put money in them they give you more money or they take it .. They don’t have wardrobes or fashion sense or smiles ..or even faces but people tend to view them as people who can be intimidated into paying them the well deserved jackpot they came to Vegas to win.. Alcohol is even simpler device. Drink to much of it and you get stupid especially if you are already stoned or not that bright to begin with.

Back in the casino.. . . .
“You bastard,” the gambler said extending his middle finger and pointing it straight in the air in the time tested sign of disrespect.
“F*** you,” he said to the machine flipping it off yet again and pushing the extended middle finger toward the slot machine as if the hunk of metal, plastic and glass would suddenly pay more attention with a finger in it’s face.

City at Night 2

City at Night 2

Fortunately or unfortunately as the case may be like many of the actual people in the City of Sin slot machine don’t have feelings or minds or mouths or fingers for that matter. The machine still took his money as such machines are prone to do.

Now back at the pool the two party animals eventually admit to the casino order keepers they just met two days ago and didn’t know each others real name. The intoxicated one of the pair continues to answer questions with the same aplomb.
“February,” he answers again.

This City is built around the idea that luck is a real thing and can be altered by gestures rude words or the right combination of both. For whatever reason people who come here seem to believe the drunk and stupid in the City of Sin is somehow different than it is in LA or Nebraska or Idaho.

City at night 3

City at Night 3

Finally remembering what city he was in and who the president and stumbles off to his room with his new companion. Later that same night a man bemoans his missing wallet and states . . . “She really looked kike a nice girl.” and another asks for protection from his girlfriend who mysteriously tried to hit him with several heavy objects acreaming something about a blonde he had “talked to.”

“I don’t what her problem was. . . “ he said.

Such is life in the City of Sin.

Take care Sinners

City at Night 4

City at Night 4